whatever

tired tired tired

2006-07-08T02:12:00.000+08:00

decided to toss some frozen food into the oven when i got home tonight to compensate for the rather icky day i had at work.

foraged the freezer compartment and found this.

i was like "huh?" 素肉菜饺子? 到底是素的饺子, 菜饺子, 还是肉的饺子? 难不成是素肉+ 菜的饺子??

(literal translation: [label] vegetarian meat vegetable dumpling
[thoughts in my demented head] vegetarian meat vegetable dumpling? so is it a vegetarian dumpling? a veggies dumpling? a meat dumpling? or is it perhaps a mock meat + veggies dumpling??)

and so i looked at the ingredients list

nb bloody eff-ers. it's a effing vegetarian dumpling lor.

stupid mistake for an irritated person to spot.

* * * * *

what is expected of an intern?

today was another one of those days where i felt so freaking du lan that i wished i smoked.

coz maybe then i would feel better. maybe, by blackening my lungs and shortening my lifespan i might spare myself of some agony.

i was given the task to do the interiors of the lift lobbies of this china-based project.

lift lobbies. doesn't sound impressive. but if you think about it, it's a space that people use almost everyday. and it's a space that's used by quite a lot of people.

thing is, this project has fifteen? (thereabouts, too many for me to rememer the exact number) lift lobbies. and most of them differ by a little bit. some have diff width, or diff length, some have a kink in the floor plan all of a sudden..

was given the task last week. so i've been working on it for two weeks.

to work on fifteen lift lobbies is a little crazy given that we have to

come up with the layout
come up with the elevations
choose the furniture, finishes like carpet, wallpaper, wall treatments, lighting..
and color the drawings

in the span of three weeks.

so i'm doing the layout for eight lobbies and pulling elevations for four of them. so far, maybe 2.2 elevations are out. and they're still subjected to changes if the interior designer decides that the plans need to be amended (high possibility). and i've a total of eleven elevations to pull.

how am i going to render the drawings when the drawings are not out? (next week's scheduled for rendering)

i've never done interiors before. never really learnt it in school. i'm as green as they can come. yet i'm given this rather demanding task (for a effing intern).

because i really don't know what shit i'm doing, and there's only one interior designer around, can you blame me for going to her for advice?

was feeling rather stressed today coz the deadline was slowly but surely making its existence feltas time slips by.

usually i would consult the interior designer at least a couple of times a day, just to get some direction of where i should be heading, some hints of what i should be producing.

despite all my consultation with her, i still can't produce what she wants. today, i was just trying to come up with something maybe try to meet the schedule i've somewhat set for myself.

happened to spot her after lunch, and i just asked her one simple effing question.

how does the effing catalogue you asked me to refer to look like. (there's like 5-6 shelves worth of potential catalogues i'd have to sift through if i only knew the effing name that she gave me. which happened to be wrong btw)

and she tried to brush me off by saying jokingly "i'm not available to answer any questions today. i'm not available. i'm doing something with ABC here"

"can't you tell me what it looks like?"

"i'm not available" (in her effing joking manner. all the while avoiding eye contact with me)

like what the f??

i know you're busy. but will it kill you to just tell me what the effing book looks like?

so i was making my "whatever.-bitch-what-can-i-do-i-momentarily-forgot-that-i'm-but-a-lowly-intern-who-should-be-treated-like-dirt-oops-or-am-i-less-than-dirt?" look. which i'm pretty sure ABC saw. (suspect she told interior designer i got pissed later on in the day)

i know she's busy with her work. but both the interior designer and ABC are going to get help next week to meet the deadline. and i'm doing all the effing lift lobbies myself. i know i only have one task on hand. but it's eight lobbies leh! eleven elevations leh! plus photoshopping leh! i've to photoshop nineteen drawings leh! nineteen!

and i'm an effing intern. do you think i like to bother you all the time with questions? but how else can i learn?

i try to observe and pick up things. but sometimes, the things i refer to are wrong (eg the interior designer's past works which she likes to refer me to.)

so when she asks me why i did something this way (when this way is wrong) i can only go eerrr..
why? coz i don't know any better? y'know, that's why i'm an intern.

coz i looked at your drawings and i attempted to follow your mistakes?

coz i studied architecture and not interior design at a motivation-murdering school?

coz i'm a stupid ass?

take your pick.

i know she's busy with her work (she has a hell lot of it), but if you push me aside when i ask for help, and then i go around producing things that are so fatally wrong, and i don't have time to correct them and rethink through them and i can't finish the stuff i'm tasked with, then what?

i'm just too tired to take her jokes. it's my fourth consecutive day working till past ten. and i'm going back on saturday. and after getting brushed off by her and later told that i've to start photoshopping next monday, i'm going back on sunday too.

not that going back on the weekend will mean that i can start my rendering on mon. i don't foresee myself finishing 8.8 drawings and correcting nineteen drawings by monday.

i'm going to follow my own schedule. i'm going to try draw and design as well as my very tired body can. i will conserve some energy for overtiming next monday to friday. and i will continue to question myself if i'm not being the best intern i can be.

the pain and struggle of coming up with something that you thought was it. to have it criticised and then directed onto a journey with vague directions (which may be wrong). i'm sure there is some delight in all this.

i need rest.

slack week

2006-07-02T02:41:00.000+08:00

had friday off this week coz the company closed as it was the company's anniversary. the bosses had decided to bundle off the perm staff away to bali. and being the lowly intern i am, i don't get to go on the mostly-sponsored company trip.

ah well. not to say i'm bitter about not going. it would have been quite an experience but i'm not really that keen to spend my weekends with my colleagues. i d o see them practically everyday. there is something known as too much.

and coz my only unemployed friend wasn't free, and her brother wasn't free, my plans to go for a daytime karaoke session was dashed (unless i wanted a solo karaoke session. but didn't really feel like it).

and coz the next available slot for a dental appointment with the polyclinic is in december, i spent my off day making up for sleep.

finally got to wake up late. and i managed to go back to bed for an afternoon nap before trotting out of the flat to zf's place to a sleepover.

spent the time at zf's place chatting, learning a bunch of makeup tips and slacking in front of the telly with a rather interesting book.

then came home to take another 3hour nap.

afterwhich i managed to

practise my new makeup skills
iron some clothes (miracle! who? has actually ironed something! considering that i've decided to let the watermelon shirt assume the identity of a shirt that came wrinkled, i think this constitutes a miracle. what to do when you buy pleated skirts. damn my thing for pleated skirts!)
read some blogs.

i do think it's been a fruitful two days. whoopah!

* * * * *

think i haven't blogged about my last dive trip. but nothing really exciting happened. i saw a huge jellyfish. other than that, it was pretty uneventful. visibility sucked on the second day.

and i've decided i wanna try to do rescue diver. there's just something about being in the water that is somewhat beyond words.

when you're in there, gravity seems to have less of an effect.

it's a much cooler environment (literally in that the temperature's so much more comfortable. i can swim happily in a rash guard rather than in a 3mm wet suit. i just tend to freeze when the breeze hits me after i emerge from the water. maybe i don't have sufficient fats. har! only in my dreams).

down there, there're less things grabbing your aural attention and you can really concentrate on the new things you have before your eyes.

the feel of the water all over you.

i really don't exaggerate when i claim that i'm happier in there as compared to being out on land. i really do mean it.

i'm so effing hooked.

2006-06-18T03:28:00.000+08:00

did this dating quiz. couldn't resist though i really ought to be in bed. karaoke session in another 7.5hours! "P

me results are as followed -

Your dating personality profile:

You matched the following traits:

Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile:

You match with men who have following traits:

Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.
Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things.

Your Top Ten Traits, Ranked

1. Liberal
2. Athletic
3. Big-Hearted
4. Adventurous
5. Practical
6. Intellectual
7. Romantic
8. Shy
9. Wealthy/Ambitious
10. Sensual

Your Top Ten Match Traits, Ranked

1. Shy
2. Big-Hearted
3. Adventurous
4. Practical
5. Conservative
6. Athletic
7. Intellectual
8. Stylish
9. Traditional
10. Wealthy/Ambitious

i noticed one trait that was missing from both my and my match's list (which was the t o p trait in the guy whom i got this from) - religious. yah, don't even get me started. but do i think the test is accurate? i don't know leh. me? athletic? huh? i'm a true blue bum.

but hey, what's this about me not having stylish as one of my top ten traits?? harumph. i like to think i'm somewhat ooh say k.. harumph

* * * **

argh. there's a bug f l y i n g about in my room. damnit and i keep missing it when i attempt to smack it to its demise. damnit!

2006-06-18T02:57:00.000+08:00

link

a rather queer video clip via boing boing

* * * * *

had the most glorious, fantastic headache today. tormented me while i was sleeping. and miraculously continued to haunt me after i woke up.

one panadol extra didn't drive it away.

a three hour nap plus another panadol extra finally did the trick.

and hence i declined zf's invite to go catch world cup at clarke quay? (didn't really catch the location. was still reeling from the relief from pain i was actually experiencing.)

and i've come to the conclusion that it might be wise to consider grounding myself at least one day a week. where i spend the day entirely at home. sleeping. catching up on my blogs (managed to read quite a few in my bloglines today. whoopah!) watching my taped shows that i'd missed during the week. reading. basically just some time where i don't need to step out of the flat (preferably) or whereby i stray no more than 5km away from my place.

this way, i can maybe squeeze in my chores and still maintain some shred of sanity.

gosh, already i'm experiencing some hints of monday blues as i think about the work i've to finish on monday morning by lunch. sigh.

at least i'm going away to dive next weekend. sigh.

* * * * *

on another totally unrelated note, my new mp3 player comes with a rather irritating programme that i've to use to drop songs into the player.

it's a sony nw-e005f.

i bought it coz of

the price
the design
the fact that it's a flash-based player
that it has a fm tuner

i avoided creative players coz seriously they're quite ugly and they feel rather flimsy.

i avoided ipod coz they just didn't meet my requirements. i wanted a flash-based player with fm tuner capability. and the only flash-based player ipod manufactures is the shuffle. which

doesn't have a lcd screen
doesn't have much functions (including fm tuner, playlists)
itunes never really captured me as it has captured the world. maybe it's coz my comp is rather low on ram. itunes just slows down my computer s o much whenever i run it. and that's why i'm still a winamp user. might switch to something else soon though. hmmm.. consider consider

anyway, so my nw-e005f is not one of those players where you can just drag and drop your mp3s into the player and start playing. likewise the case with ipods i think. so i should just live with the fact that i need to use sonicstage to drop songs in my player

but argh. but it's just so darn irritating that i've to fill in the track details again. did that once so they all look uniform in winamp when i open the playlist in winamp. and now i've to do it again?? argh. or else i can't even tell what songs i'm listening to. ack.

worse news, i can't drop the tracks i've uploaded from one comp to another comp? damnit.

but i've just discovered there's this function whereby the programme can generate random 30minutes long playlists for my listening pleasure.. hmmm..

aiyeee. i so need to play around with the programme and the player. i need more time to slack around. erhg.

upgrading for opposition constituencies

2006-06-14T02:56:00.000+08:00

why am i up at this unearthly hour? coz i'd chanced upon this rather well-written blog. which led me to this petition. it's petitioning for potong pasir & hougang to be moved up the upgrading queue.

if you believe in it, do sign it.

and spread the word.

it disgusts me at times to know that i live in a place where the government resorts to swaying the people into voting for them by dangling such carrots.

2006-06-14T02:31:00.000+08:00

keep saying i'm broke. and yet, there i went buying more tee shirts from threadless. someone just kill me please.

what to do. it's another $10 sale.

* * * * *

a rather interesting piece about the education system in sg.

* * * * *

great. i'm so going to die at work tomorrow.

interesting article + hilarious webcomic (scroll for the links)

2006-06-14T00:32:00.000+08:00

think i'm really suffering a serious bout of pms this month. that'll explain my incredible fit at my mom.

and the extreme shackness i feel.

and the food cravings.

and the super aching boobs. yes. i actually suffer from aching boobs. technically speaking they're supposed to be "tender". asshat. they hurt lah.

* * * * *

read this really interesting article today. click here

it's a pretty long article from nytimes (eight. yes. e i g h t pages. but hey, little miss attention deficit here actually read the entire article. can't be that boring). and being a nytimes article, it'll only be available at no charge for a week or so i think. you are forewarned.

it discusses about rising college fees in the states. some points discussed in the article

the result of rising college fees on students
suggestions for fee repayment
benefits of college education

the article is pretty much US-centric. however i feel that we can draw parallels to the situation in sg.

like the US govt, the sg govt is cutting back on uni subsidies.

i thought the loan forgiveness policy? might be feasible. actually that's kinda similar to the government scholarships the sg government bodies offer now. however, think the current scholarship requirements are rather stringent. and the number of available scholarships is really quite small with reference to the number of students out there.

hence the rather elite status a scholar gets. the loan forgiveness scheme mentioned in the article seems less elitist, but more like a programme to help with the shortage of staff in certain fields.

but i'm sure they'll (sg govt) argue that to earn the scholarship one ought to work hard and get the required grades and all. but academia is only one part of life. if uni is really supposed to help shape one's life, to mould one's mind, isn't it quite sad if one is deprived of the chance to attend coz of financial concerns?

the article also mentioned the australian debt repayment system, which i thought is quite an interesting system.

at this point of time, i'm still undecided about whether i should go back to school. there's the big problem of adding on to my current debt. reading this article just made me think a little about my current situation.

anyway, wanted to share a really hilarious webcomic. it'll be more relevant to singaporean students. but man, it's damn hilarious.

click

2006-06-12T01:46:00.000+08:00

i'm still not really talking to my mom.

me theory is - the silent treatment only works when the party getting the treatment cares. seriously if i gave anyone else the silent treatment they would probably just walk off in my face.

even though i'm not really pissed with my mom now. i just don't really want to talk to her. or to anyone really. i do feel kinda bad for treating her like this. but i really just want some space.

* * * * *

for the first time in quite a while, i actually stayed home the entire weekend (sat-sun). i slept my sat away. waking up for food (twice or thrice) and for more morsels of the lovely book i was reading. but otherwise i was just rotting in my bed. my routine:

woke up at twelve plus.
watched my taped shows till three plus while gorging myself
went back to bed
woke up at six plus seven
continued to gorge on food
went back to bed at eight
woke up at eleven plus to shower, consume yet more food & watch more tv
returned to bed at four.

pretty much followed the same routine on sun. cept i slept less. managed to do my laundry. (argh. my stomach couldn't help but churn at the thought of laundry. ergh) managed to surf the net for a while. finished my book! and cleared some tape.

think i really needed to just rot at home for a weekend.

for someone with no life, i'm pretty amazed at how i have not been able to rot at home on sat & sun for a significantly long period of time (it's long for me. usually my weekends are so free i can kill myself)

my room's still in a huge mess coz i've just slept my weekend away. but at least i'm a little rested now. sigh. it's monday. how the heck do people live like this?

who? is a horrible person

2006-06-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

just totally flared up at my mom.

in my fit of anger, i threw my nice clean laundry on the floor. i flung hangers at the wall. as such, the paint has chipped off my pretty blue wall. f-.

oh yah. i whacked a totally innocent library book on the floor.

it's been an ok day i guess. it's just that at work, i was kinda functioning on auto-pilot mode coz i was really tired from working till nearly twelve the night before. plus i was rushing to get the drawings out for the QS today.

didn't get to sleep during lunch coz went out to get food instead.

reached home kinda late coz i popped by ikea after work (yes, i actually got to leave the office not so late today. seven plus i think) to get something for a friend coz i might be meeting her tomorrow.

i know i replied her sms a few hours later than her actual sms, but i was rushing my work. and it's been.. four hours and she has yet to confirm if she has received my reply. man, i really wish to sleep in during lunch tomorrow instead of meeting up with her. but she's going away on holiday. and the thing i got for her from ikea is something she can use on her trip. ergh.

to think i might have made it home before eight thirty if not for popping down to ikea to get her thing.

i kinda concussed out during my bus ride to ikea. but managed to stay awake when i was nearing the place. and on my bus ride home, i was battling the sleep bug at the end of my trip (the earlier half i was happily engrossed in a very interesting book that will be due very soon).

was kinda irritating to have a couple chatting too loudly behind me all the way from the bus stop to my void deck. i had earphones on. and s t i l l i can hear their effing conversation. if you're that deaf, don't bother talking.

and they had the audacity to accuse the fat cat (the resident cat of the overhead bridge at my place) to be a cat that attacks. well, duh. if you provoke it, of course it'll attack. why don't you tell your friends what a total ass you are to be stupid enough to provoke that otherwise really lazy bummy cat to attack you instead of slapping the cat with the label of "the cat that attacks". asshat.

worse thing is, i was too tired to increase my walking speed to increase the distance between the excessively loud couple and me. so i had to strain to listen to my music while struggling to mute out their effing conversation.

i reached home effing tired. was just looking forward to lying in bed with the rather interesting library book.

and my mom pounced on me. attempting to strike a conversation. like, hello woman? do i not look like i'm not in the mood for a conversation right now? i have two wires coming out of my ears. my hair is tied up. i'm quite sure the wires are somewhat visible. why do people insist on speaking to people who clog up their ears with earphones? doesn't it make more sense to speak when they pluck the earphones out of their ears?

and if they don't pluck the earphones out, do you not get the hint that maybe they don't really want to talk?

when i headed into my room. i see my clean laundry on my bed. fine. so you've decided to chuck my laundry on my bed so you can keep the clothes rack which is probably too much of an eyesore to my somewhat anal-retentive father.

and when i attemptted to dig for clean underwear, i find that my mom had folded my effing underwear.

wtf

you were the one twho wanted me to wash my underwear myself. coz it's *personal*

then you were the one who wanted me to do my own laundry myself. coz i'm old enough

i do all that now. and you fold my effing underwear???!

wtf?!@!

thing is, i roll my underwear. so i really dislike her folding them coz i actually have to unfold them before i can roll them. i mentioned this to her before. but does it register in her otherwise twisted mind? noooooooo...

i'm all pissed off when i went for my shower. only to get more pissed off when i got out of my shower.

i'd wanted to clear my laundry tomorrow or later in the week coz i really wanted to just relaxed and chill with the soon-to-be-due book. i already have overdue books on my hands. i don't really want more. whatmore, this book was borrowed under my brother's card.

but i had to clear my laundry tonight coz it was sitting there. on my bed. f o l d e d. yucks. you made me do my own laundry. so stop screwing with my system! i fold certain stuff. i roll certain stuff. and there's actually a system to where i keep e v e r y t h i n g. your helping is creating more work for me. i thought i told you that. i thought i told you how grossed out i am with my colleague for being the overaged parasite she is. is that not a hint of how i like the idea of independence?

can't i even pretend that i'm independent despite that i'm still living under your roof, and not really helping out with the bills?

so i sat down grudgingly to clear my laundry, when i could be settling other stuff and rushing to bed with my book.

and lo! i discover that she has turned majority of my clothes right side out and rehung them on their effing hangers before placing them nicely on my effing bed!

it's like. wtf>?!?!?@@!>?

it got me really pissed coz i only realised she had practically turned everything inside out when i flipped a plain black tee to realise i had effing turned it wrong side out.

you're fucking making me do more fucking work when i'd wanted to procrastinate the fucking chore coz i've had a fucking week so far and all i'd wanted to do on an early day off work was to relax with a book instead of flinging hangers at my wall and throwing clean laundry on my rather dirty floor.

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!

thing is, i've no idea why i'm so pissed off. i was really ok through out the entire day. too tired to feel irritated at anything.

maybe i was irritated at having to wake up from my slumber on my bus ride. i'd really concussed out. i'm really at my worst when i'm sleep deprived.

and it certainly doesn't help when some friend think replying a sms is optional.

argh. it must be hormones. i'm sounding so uber bitchy and spoilt. well, i did tell her to leave my laundry as it is.

and so i've thrown the hangers in the living room. they're all over the floor. if she likes to clear and tidy so much, i'll let her. tidying things up is somewhat therapeutic at times for me. but not when it's forced (like in the situation i've just so ramblingly described).

eff the world.

suspected pms rant

2006-06-05T21:29:00.000+08:00

had a rather angry day.

ok, rather is an understatement. has an angry day.

i was told that we needed to get the drawings out by today so the interior designer could have a discussion with the boss on today.

so i worked my ass off last friday. stayed in the office till one am. coz i didn't want to come back during the weekend.

showed her the drawings i did today. she asked me to correct the furniture drawn by another intern. usually, she would do that herself coz she always ends up correcting any furniture i draw anyway. but coz she hadn't done much during the weekend and she had a whole bunch of furniture to correct, she asked me to correct the furniture for room X.

and it turned out that the previous intern

drew lines that overlapped on each other. this is not good coz perforated lines that overlap each other end up looking like continuous lines rather than perforated lines.
drew drawers as mere rectangles instead of a collection of rectangles (ie he drew the overall outline of the drawer instead of the parts the drawer is made up of).
forgot to pull out the overall dimensions.
drew the furniture on the wrong layer

and i got snapped by him when i made snide remarks about his messy drawings.

he'd offered me help on friday, but i rejected his help coz i didn't know i would have to clean up his mess. if i didn't have to clean up his mess, i would have completed everything on time coz i actually do plan my time.

and it wouldn't have been such a pain taking over whatever he was doing if he had done a reasonable job in the first place.

but did i tell him this? no. instead i walked away.

coz i knew i was really irritated. and the risk of saying evil (but in my opinion, true) things was really high.

thing is, i picked up how to do somewhat presentable drawings when i started interning. and he has been interning longer than me. and all the mistakes that i spot from his drawings, are mistakes that i had made during my internship. mistakes that i'd learnt from. why is it that i can learn from my mistakes and he can't?

doesn't help that the interior designer delayed her meeting with the boss coz she hasn't finished her bit. in fact, she delayed so long that the boss left for the day and the meeting has been postponed to tomorrow.

so i stared at the f-- computer till one am on friday. friday! for what?

argh.

and then i meet a bunch of asses on the bus. i see young, seemingly able-bodied things (it seems a bit of a compliment to call them human beings or people) sitting comfortably, chatting to each other, ignoring the elderly standing right next to them.

and after i give up my seat to the white hair-ed elderly who did seem a little spritely for his age but hey, he's still an elderly, i get assholes who insist on getting out of their seats to move to the exit while the bus is deccelerating to a stop at the red light b e f o r e their f-- stop.

it wasn't even coming to a stop at his f-- bus-stop!

assholes who insist i release my grasp on the seat handle that would stop me from falling while the bus is deccelerating.

asses! asses!! i'm surrounded by f-- asses!!!!

and i really think my irascibility could be hormonal. oh hell hath who? when pms descends.

but all of it was somewhat soothed by deep-fried chicken and cold beer. think i need another beer to erase all memories of the asses that i'm surrounded with.

2006-06-03T11:20:00.000+08:00

it's the first time in many days (more than seven?) where i actually got to wake up late! and it's not even really late by my standards. hmm.

ah well. it's time for a swim. can't find my sunblock. had to slather my humongous body with my facial sunblock (it's a rather small bottle). where d i d my brother stash my sunblock?

it's nothing but a bitch fest.

2006-05-27T02:42:00.000+08:00

disclaimer: the following you're about to read should be read and not taken to heart. words come out of who?, who? can concuss in peace. tomorrow is another day. where jay chou is still writing who?'s favourite ballads, where the fishes are still happily swimming around oblivious to who?'s questionable reason for existence. where the sun still burns like nobody's business and where life just goes on despite what we all believe in.

* * * * *

mein gott. i just discovered a link that will bring me directly to the [create a new post] page. i am so dumb.

another example to illustrate my point. i just discovered the repeat button on the karaoke remote control during the last karaoke session.

who? is truly hopeless. tsk

* * * * *

went for a drink at loof after work with a couple of interns coz one of us is leaving to return to school. and we were talking about the people at work.

(i kinda like loof btw. it's nice to be outdoors at night. would like to go back again. preferably with a nicer seat. didn't have much trouble with the barstool we were sitting on. but a nice ottoman would definitely have been more comfy)

like some people to look out for (coz they may be more than they seem). think i might have sounded like i dislike some people more than i really do.

eg, i'm not the biggest fan of my current neighbour. some things that peeve me (a l i t t l e)

thing one_how she loves to tell stories about herself. stories about her family. stories of the many places she's been to. maybe i'm being overly sensitive, but it kinda seems a little 炫耀ing.

maybe it's because i do have some privileged friends and they don't name-drop as much. it kinda gets a little irritating when it seems like all she wants to do is tell you her glorious stories. it seems like she's always able to link whatever you say to something she's done or experienced before. it just feels like she's trying beat you at everything.

a conversation is between two people. it should be a sharing thing, and not really an "all about me/her" thing. she tends to like to get her point through. i feel a little obligated to let her state her point coz it feels like it would kill her if i don't let her tell me her story.

i think i'm like her too. example, i've the tendency to go on and on about diving, but i do try to make an effort to include other subjects.

maybe it's just me having sour grapes. what to do, i've never been to europe, neither have i bought ferragammo boots, nor have i bought "cheap" perfume in paris. i've having sour grapes lah.. whatever lah

thing two_she's damn dependent on her mom and her maid. a n d she's proud of it. she can tell us about how she woke her mom up to ask her to iron her bleedy tee-shirt.

what the f??

i told her if i was her mom i would have given her a tight slap. actually, think i would have slapped her up down left right lor. she's in her thirties and she wakes her mom up to get her to iron a f-- tee shirt??

she acts like a child at her age and is proud of it.

it peeves me coz i just don't get it.

thing three_she's rather indiscreet. and since i'm quite slow when it comes to saying the right thing at the right time, i figured it would be better to keep my mouth shut in front of her.

she's quite ok other than the above points i guess. but because i am who i am, i think it's better to maintain a little distance between us just to keep my back relatively stab free. i'm always saying the wrong things at the wrong time. argh.

do i dislike her? no.

do i like her? not really.

i'm just not really interested in getting to know her better. there may be a better side to her, but there're a lot of other stuff out there that i rather be interested about.

think i also sounded like i don't love the interior designer i work with. people always tell me that she knows a lot and she's good in her job.

she has indeed taught me quite a bit. but very often, she asks me to figure things out myself. so i do that. and figure something that's totally wrong and watch her swallow blood (that she wants to puke) as i show her the crap i've come up with.

the thing that peeves me the most is how inconsistent she is. she'll ask you to refer to her old project. and when you refer to her mistakes and point out that you were following her mistakes she'll ask why you didn't think for yourself before copying her mistake.

thing is, if i knew that was a mistake, i wouldn't have been referring to it in the first place, no? or maybe who? is really dumber than she believes..

and she actually doubted that i could read the measurement of a f-- ruler. i had to bring the f-- tile upstairs to her and let her measure for herself and let her see for herself that who? can actually read the measurement off a ruler.

she may be good at her job. she may know a lot. but for me, she's really not the best person to be learning under coz she can make me feel like i'm the dumbest creature alive.

luckily, i've learnt to just take it in my stride and occasionally throw it back in her face (like when i decided not to argue about the dimension of the tile that i had in my hands, along with a ruler. but instead walked upstairs to let her measure the f-- tile by herself) just for the kick of it.

i'm truly evil. i commit the sins i despise and loathe and i don't cut others slack for committing the same sins.

my weak argument - i try to not commit the sin. keyword here - try

* * * * *

my tolerance of alcohol is getting better. the aloof iced tea i had was nothing. might have loosened my lips a l i t t l e. but it's nothing compared to the chivasgreentea i just made myself. and i think i kinda enjoy chivas.

long live dfs booze!

think i can concuss later. yay..

* * * * *

utterly useless trivia: it's who?s' 222nd post! palidromic number! let's just hope life will be more easy and smooth in future

i survived

2006-05-15T01:45:00.000+08:00

just got back from my dive trip. didn't die. hee

just got out of the shower approx half an hour ago, cut myself the carrot cake that has been sitting my fridge since forever, got myself a nice cold beer, booted up the comp, finally got my nail file, and n o w i feel sleepy. tmd. i really should be eating my cake and filing my nails (quite indecently long now) but.. i'm sleepy.. plus i've got to work tomorrow. sigh

anyway, back to my dive. quite enjoyed my trip. got to know some people. wasn't too damn dao. was a little on the second & third day coz the pillow was too flat as a result, i didn't really get a very satisfying rest. in fact, i felt my naps on the boat was more shiok.

i'm finally an advance open water diver! yippee! now i can go for deeper dives and night dives. i thought the trip was quite good coz i managed to see quite a bit of things. i spotted two nudibranches by myself. and a box puffer. it was one-two cm lor! for someone as blind as me, to be able to spot the box puffer is an achievement. at least to me it is.

and i think i spotted a crown of thorn. a tres poisonous starfish. luckily, i had the common sense to not touch it. if not i would probably be swelling now.

considering if i should go and attempt the rescue diver course next. this coming from someone who's rather scared of water is kinda a surprise i guess. but, being a diver is really different from life in sg.

for the last three days, think the reason for being was the next dive. where i could try out my skills and see how utterly koyak i am (veered during my night dive navigation, but i think my instructor still passed me lah. "P). where i could be in the water. i'm just different.

i jumped off the roof of our boat! on saturday. heee.. that took a bit of courage. coz i'm really a very unfit person. and the treading water after my jump was the more of the killer than the jump

decided to jump coz

an instructor offered to jump with me.
YY agreed when i jio-ed her to jump with me
it was rather hot
there was quite a bit of time before the next dive
there were quite a lot of people to save me if i should go under (i'm assuming they would save me lah)
i just felt like it.

it was a rather good experience. a little unlike me to do such a thing. to jump off the roof of the boat. when i'm not confident of my tread water skills.

still can't really believe i did that.

was making quite a bit of noise after that while i was trying to stay afloat in the water especially when the instructor threw the buoy away from me. aren't you trying to throw the rope to me? where were you throwing the buoy to??

treading water is tiring! must go train up. damnit. and the photographer missed me coz apparently i jumped too fast. must jump before i chicken out what. too bad there isnt\'t any photographic evidence.

enjoy being in the water. i enjoy the sensation of being somewhat weightless. that there's a different set of rules on how to move. the corals you get to see. the fishes (though i'm still having trouble identifying them). the thrill of seeing something you only see in books/on the dinner table.

octopus.. cuttlefish.. (i saw them! but i didn't see the big cuttlefish that YY and group saw coz i was doing my training dive) anemone shrimp.. ok. anemone shrimp doesn't sound impressive. but now when i think about it, to think the divemaster actually found the one cm shrimps to show me, it's pretty impressive. even though i'm always suaning him about not finding things for me to see.

i saw a school of yellowtails swimming in the sea. it was like two dancing yellow ribbons! and i saw a giant sea turtle. should be a really old turtle. it was maybe one to one point five metres long!

my instructor also spotted some shrimp/crab/lobster for me during my orientation night dive. we can't really tell what it was we were looking at coz it was really small. one to one point two cm? and hairy. he's kinda optimistic about them being lobsters while i'm there "are you sure? you sure? lobster leh.."

yes. i'm evil.

i got to play with this fish. i didn't bring any food to feed the fishes. and when i got some from the instructor, somehow, no fish was attracted to my measly piece of bread.

in the end, i caught the attention of this seven cm long fish that's purplish greenish. it would come to me face on, stop around seven to ten cm away from me, swim left/right and swim to my mask again to stare at me. and it repeated this for quite a while so there i was just spinning round and round with the fish. always ending up face to face with it.

i tell people that if they happen to see me, they probably would have thought i kena narcosis or dunno what coz i was just turning round on the spot. but i danced with a fish! ok. i played with it lah.

i guess that's kind of a high point coz i found out that i can move myself in the water. i remembered not being able to control where i'm going when i was doing my open water and during my leisure dive in tioman.

in fact i was the one attempting to siam the other divers on the advance course with me, most of the time. they were doing an open water + advance open water combo course. while i was doing my advance after quite a few leisure dives. should be expected of me to have a better grasp of skills right?

then there was the attack by the trigger fish. i was following my divemaster (i'd separated him from our dive group when i failed to descend coz i gei kiang, attempted to go down with two weights. moral of the story, i can go down with three now. not two. so in the end, he ascended to give me extra weight so i could descend. but by then, we had lost sight of our dive group) just drifting along with the current

was just trailing behind him when i saw this fish swim towards his fin to take a nibble. being the fish idiot i was (i'm a little less idiotic now lah), i thought "hey, fish taking friendly nibble on him.."

meanwhile, the DM thought "huh? why is who? tugging my fin?" so he turned, and alor! turned out our friendly fish is an aggressive fish that's looking for a fight. a trigger fish. and so the DM started fighting with it with his pointer while attempting to shoo me to somewhere safe.

guess instinctively i realised something was wrong, so away i finned to somewhere where i could watch the action. i'm terrible i know. there he was fighting to save his fins and himself and i guess me? and there i was, 看好戏ing.

as we were finning away, the DM turned back to make sure we're safe and he started fencing with his pointer again! miraculously i managed to turn back in time to see the trigger charging at us. it charged a couple more times, before we were finally far enough.

think that did leave me a little traumatized to have that rather sizeable fish coming towards me in my face. when i saw triggers on my dives after that, i would just fin away as unobstrusively as possible. i don't have a pointer to fend myself with lor.

and the poor DM has a lobang in his fin now. ooops.

it's just different being out there. under the sun, in the sea, on the sand.

damnit, i'm hooked.

pre dive

2006-05-09T01:17:00.000+08:00

went for my pool refresher session today.

was late. (was trying to cram in a little bit more work)

basically the guy revised some skills with me.

how to gear up
regulator retrival
mask clearing
finning
hovering
the thing where you borrow the spare regulator from your buddy
controlled emergency something ascend
and i got him to go through navigation. yeah! when i did my open water, they failed to go through that with us. so now i guess i can somewhat navigate? yeah sure..
and of course how to gear down.

it was a pretty short session coz i could remember some stuff. so despite that i was half an hour? twenty minutes? late, i managed to get out before nine.

walked home. now the balls of my feet are hurting.

it's really great to be handling the equipment. also kinda forced me to remember how freaking afraid of the water i am. i still had a little problem with mask removal. breathed in some water again. seriously, if i ever meet with any accident, the chances of my survival is.. something i don't really want to think about.

and my equalising is damn rusty! argh. i was having difficulty just descending down 3m lah! wah lau eh.

and as usual i couldn't control where i was going. i was kinda crashing into the others. sigh.

also i was having quite a bit of trouble hovering, ascending, staying afloat by just finning, and trying to manually inflate my bc while finning. i even got a cramp from finning myself up.

turned out i was using too many weights. in the end i used two and managed to somewhat keep myself afloat by finning and manually inflate my bc. kinda suspicious coz i thought i remembered using four weights when i last dived. hmmm.. ah well.. i'll prob need three in the sea. i think?

after my brief recap, do you not wonder how i managed to survive my previous .. eleven dives? damn. and this time we're going deeper. and we're going to do night diving. please don't let me cock up and die.

then i was guided by one fella. and it was like i was the only one having a one to one session. at first i thought it was coz i was late. but later, i was too busy trying to remember how to dive to be feeling paiseh.

turns out i'm the only person who's having a refresher course a n d going for my advance open water. and everyone else there was having the pool session for their open water course. hmmm.. ah well, at least now i'm a little less rusty.

can't wait for my trip! eep!

* * * * *

J commented today that i'm really a tv addict. well, i've never really tried to deny it. in fact, i go around claiming to be a tv junkie almost all the time. a rather pathetic soppy one too.

caught tonight's grey's anatomy. and teared.

there was this really loving old couple who came in coz the wife had some minor problem that could be solved by surgery. but during the surgery, they discovered she had cancer. when grey told the husband, he looked so pained and he asked grey to keep the truth from the wife coz he didn't want her to be sad and he would rather have her spend her last days happily.

but later grey's supervising erm.. doctor told her that [grey] being the wife's doctor has the obligation to inform the wife of her condition. and so she did. despite the husband's request.

when the wife learnt of the truth, she asked grey to keep the matter from her husband. they had planned to visit venice at the end of the month. where they would go on a gondola and pass under some bridge. doing so's supposed to kinda bless the two of them to be together till eternity or something like that. and she really wanted to do that.

then grey left her. and ran into the husband. who asked if grey had indeed kept the truth from the wife. and grey lied.

at the end of the show, you see the sweet couple leaving the hospital hand in hand. and smiling.

i'm weak. but even as i retell the story, tears are welling up. they're just so damn sweet.

sometimes i look at my parents, and i can't help but wonder why they seem so distant physically. and i guess this does affect me. i don't really like physical contact with my parents. it's just.. weird. in fact, i'm not really a big fan of physical contact with most human beings. my border of comfort zone (with reference to other humans) is quite a bit of distance from me.

once i snapped at my mother for sitting too close to me. i was trying to dry off after a jog. was still dripping sweat (yes, i sweat t h a t much) and she just happily plonked herself on the sofa behind me. emitting heat to my immediate surroundings while i was desperately trying to cool down.

yes, i'm an evil daughter who snaps at her mother. quite a severe case of large? small? comfort zone problem?

* * * * *

it's been damn long since i've blogged such a long entry. there's so much more to ramble on about. but i'm sure people like KM will be happy to read my earlier short entries. i like to imagine that my neurotic, somewhat inane rambling is entertaining someone out there. or maybe even touching someone so that they tear. hmmm. that's a little tough. think i'll stick to imagining myself as a comic relief.

2006-05-07T23:47:00.000+08:00

it's over. i've kinda ran out of oc to watch.

in the period of three days, i've finished 27 episodes of oc.

thursday - 7 episodes. back to back
friday - 8 episodes. back to back
saturday - 12 episodes. back to back.

no wonder i'm so tired today. barely made it out to collect some yummy carrot cake JL & her friend made. (thanks again!) but i'm really rather proud of my decadence actually.

totally collapsed after spending the afternoon backpacking hunting. did end up with a backpack in the end though. finally don't have to keep bothering my friends.

and here's a rather interesting article i spotted. it discusses the effects of differential financial means on friendships. it's rather interesting.

2006-05-06T04:29:00.000+08:00

just watched seven episodes of oc. back to back. o m g.

thank goodness it's the weekend and i can just rot before my computer and get this whole oc obsession out of my system.

and did i mention that the white lotus herbal tea from the stash tea chanakara series is quite good? yumm..

and now, let me try to sleep while i itch once again. for unknown reasons. hmmm..

delight!

2006-05-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

my cousin passed his dad, who in turn pass my dad my barang from the states. the surprise & delight i was in when i got home is beyond words.

i didn't know usd29 of tea is t h a t impressive looking. will post up picture when circumstances allow.

and now, the last two episodes of oc season two beckons..

who? = stupid episode #7823

2006-05-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

in the attempt to boost my immunity (there seems to be a bug going around), i decided i shall pop an orange every morning before my daily mug of joe, for as long as i can remember to before my dive trip.

i believe my hands were not thoroughly cleaned after i waxed my hair. and as experiments have shown, hands with remnant hair wax + sour hand-peeled orange = mild case of food poisoning.

and hence i got off work early today and got to spend precious time with my telly and my comp (i'm almost finishing season 2 of oc. mwaharharhar~) and no time on the console or the display cabinet that's 3+m tall. guess i might be working late tomorrow.

hmmm.. might need to pop more po chai pills then. hmmmm. well, i definitely think a case of food poisoning's easier to recover from than a flu.

how's this for comic relief.

tee shirt frenzy!

2006-05-03T01:08:00.000+08:00

just bought seven tee shirts online. yup. you read right. seven.

well, there's a sale mah. it's only costing me usd90 (incl shipping! what more, they're shipping to sg!), you've got to admit that's a good deal.

anyway, only four of them are for me. the other three're for my brother. and i'm paying for one of his tee shirts. coz it's too gay for him to buy for himself (zoom in to see why he thinks it's gay). but i really think it's a great way to get girls to swoon over his tee shirt. hee

have had quite a good day. here's why

managed to seek advice from my uncle regarding laptops on behalf of my cousin. a n d i managed to convey the info to my cousin.
confirmed with my friend about our diving trip next week. she's going to confirm with the dive operator tomorrow. i'm going to get my advance open water cert!
bought funky yummy tee shirts. having them shipped to sg! (no need to trouble kind-hearted relatives and friends) at a discounted price! go check them out and grab some for yourselves before they run out of sizes.
managing to do all the above a n d catch csi: ny.

though i prob can't wake up at 6am later to jog. ah well, you win some you lose some.

who? = stupid

2006-04-22T01:48:00.000+08:00

ehlo!

it's been rather long (well, it is for me), but here i am! because i've a mouth but i cannot shout in real life. and i suspect this will be a rather long post coz well, i haven't blogged for a while mah.

as mentioned before, my "disappearance" is due to the consuming nature of my internship, my relationship with my telly and my bed. the internet just can't compete with the above-mentioned trinity.

* * * * *

had a pretty icky week. would rate it 2.5/5

had quite a couple of health-related issues. some examples (truth is, i'm listing all):

severe allergic reaction coz i forgot the instructions i read off the hair-removal spray. it's severe enough to awake me from my concus.. sleep.
leaking blood (ok, so the correct term should be menses, i like to use the word leaking, can?)
旧伤复发. an minor injury that i suffered from ten years back (t e n!) relapsed. freaking 旧伤 lah, ten years liao can. this reduced the mobility of my usually rather flexible ankle
eye-ache (suspect it's due to contact lens. @#^$^@)
headache (suspect it's due to pillow)
pimple on butt. this was seriously a pain in the butt (pun somewhat intended). and i'm stuck at the desk all day. o n m y p i m p l e o n m y b u t t. it was more like.. a wart.. a boil.. a growth. it was h u g e. and freaking painful

and basically every one of the things mentioned above tormented me for two days or more (cept for the eye-ache). along with the stress from work. eg being late for work. i really do try to not be late. i do.

i actually had a nightmare that i was late and the hr person was telling me the boss gave me an ultimatum. turn up for work late again and i'll be sacked. that was when i woke up to realise i w a s indeed late for work. the horror, the horror.

work has its ups and downs but i'm learning to let it not bother me coz i need to conserve my emotional energy for other more deserving things (eg for loving diving)

then i just had a pretty terrible session of catching up with old friends.

met up for dinner with Y & K.

during the dinner, K brought up the point that i was very agitated (during the dinner). quite a few times.

maybe i was a little dramatic, a little more vocal, a little more forceful with my opinions, but if you can't relax and let down your guard when you're with friends, then when can one be oneself?

think K found me a little impatient. but i'm the one with poor hearing and K and Y are the ones who were making the waiters repeat what they were saying and not getting the rules of the game till halfway through the game. (we were at a board games cafe)

Y explained that she was tired from working, but K, she was busy messaging on her phone, not catching what the waiter was saying and basically just asking to be 酸ed and i'm being accused of being agitated.

i'm not agitated. i'm just evil. if you hand me an egg, i'll throw it in your face. yes, i am evil.

when we were in Y's car, K got rather irritated that i was 酸ing her about being oblivious to changes along the road. usually she can take more 酸ing. but today she kinda snapped after very little 酸ing. she's usually a very tolerant person.

i guess i haven't been 酸ing her in the past few times we met up. think i toned down a little, but today, i was a little more like my evil o' self from eons back. from the time when we first became friends. i was the evil thing she knew from way back.

and after she snapped at me, i just shut up. coz i realised that i was being a little dramatic and i always believe it's better to shut up than to say something and offend people.

and then, K decided to call it a night (we were adjourning for more food). and after Y dropped her off, i decided to call it a night too.

i asked Y if i was really asking for it. according to Y, i was kinda like my usual self while K was a little less tolerating than her usual self. and she thought probably it's coz K's kinda stressed from all the stuff happening in her life at the moment.

and it's bothering me.

there'll always be this evil bitchy side of me whose mouth is so 缺德 that i'm probably on some top ten bitch list. and if you can't be yourself when you're with your friends, when can you be yourself?

these days, i find myself not really whining to them about my life coz i'd been whining too much in the past few years and there's nothing much to whine about really and i should be thankful for what is not happening to me.

so yup, quite a great deal of less kao-pei-ing to my friends these days. and i don't really share things with them coz the things that excite and interest me don't do the same for them. so when there's some silence, they'll bring up some topic that interests them (being a work-related topic for them) while involving me in the most cursory manner.

it bothers me to realise that i'm not really having a lot of fun when i thought i should be.

when do friends stop being friends? when are friends friends? i always thought K and i don't really have much in common. she doesn't seem to have an evil streak. our interests are as different as night and day (with the occasional similar interest here and there, rarer than rare).

i don't know much about her life coz she doesn't really volunteer information about her problems. and i don't like to probe.

yes, i don't like to probe, please feel free to tell me your problems (if you feel like doing so), but don't expect me to ask you to tell me your problems. i just don't ask people. let's just say, it's not exactly in my nature to do so.

i don't really feel that the bond between us is very strong coz we've never really gone through tough times together. she might have been there when things sucked for me, but i was never there when things sucked for her. it's because i didn't know things were sucking for her. if they were, i would expect her to come and say something. but she doesn't.

so when she breaks her important news to Y and me, i don't feel much coz i can't.

recently, zf said this on her blog, "My girlfriends I made in Singapore are always my best friends. My new girlfriends just can't measure up to them."

but what happens when you find that your old friends' lives are being consumed by their work, their studies, their current life and the person you used to have things in common with is not really the person you laughed with before?

what happens when the person you have little in common with before and have evern less in common with now is considered a close friend (by default, well, that's how i feel sometimes) realise that you're a crappy bitch and decides to give you a slap in your face for being yourself?

what happens when you bottle it all up because you realised that your friends shouldn't have to endure being your hole in the wall (cf in the mood for love) and you self-censor in your blog coz you don't know who's reading what and you've to keep some secrets even though it's slowing killing you?

yup. it's a crappy week. but life is not as bad as it sounds. f-. why am i trying to explain every freaking thing i say?

i blog to vent so i can stop crying at every possible tear-inducing thing i catch on telly. was crying rather vigorously while watching grey's anatomy this week. cried so hard that my eyes were a tad sore the next day. feel rather stupid.

2006-04-02T21:49:00.000+08:00

m u s t s t a y a w a k e.

lesson of the day, zyrtec + empty stomach = stoned who?

but why must i stay awake? seriously, i don't really know.

coz my hair is wet? coz i need to do my online shopping cum research? coz i want to read 木兰花? coz i want to watch coupling? grrr.. stupid allergic reaction.

* * * * *

was out with JQ today. and i mentioned to her about JL thinking my life is a little miserable. and then JQ said something about having the impression that my job wasn't turning out to be a bed of roses.

erm. have i been giving that impression? oh dear. let me try to clarify again.

ok. interning is not as bad as i have made it sound.

i can't really help it if i feel that it's a little torturous to have to get into the office by a certain time coz i'm a nocturnal creature and the late night tv shows are such sirens to me.

true, i find it somewhat of a pain that i don't really have time to read the papers, surf the net, watch the telly and slack these days. that at the end of the day i'm just tired and not really raring to go at doing the stuff that i've been meaning to do (eg book SIFF tickets - how to book when i don't even know what i want to watch? argh!! -, alter a top, dye some clothes, make some bracelets, blog, stuff.)

it's a little tiring trying to meet up with certain expectations. some of which are a little erm.. *cough* unreasonable *cough*. just a little. but hey, that's the challenge right?

it's a little of a let-down when i can't meet up to some expectations.

it's a little fustrating when someone accidentally turns off your computer and you haven't been saving your work. (thank goodness for the auto-save function)

there's all sorts of stuff that screws with you coz it's really rare to be able to find yourself working in a perfect job. there's always some politics. some gossip. some rules.

i a m kinda enjoying myself.

it's great that i've a rather regular income.
that i learn new (photoshop/autocad) tricks.
that i learn stuff that i ought to know but i don't.
that i'm forced to mix with people. (i must i must i must be less anti-social)
that i've to be somewhere every five days of the week to do something.
that i can afford to spend more money on my friends.
that i can afford to spend more money on myself.
that i d o enjoy the stuff i'm doing. even if i do feel like a cadding monkey or a photoshopping monkey at times. if i've to be at the computer all day to earn my keep, i really wouldn't mind cadding or photoshopping.

it's not what i really want. i think. but i guess all this is a path to helping me find out what i want. and what i can do to get what i want.

what i really want is to travel. to live in somewhere other than sg. to experience a different life. a different culture. to dive. to see the corals. the sharks. to feel somewhat weightless. to be so filthy rich that i can give to charity as much i want. to find someone who loves me and whom i love. to like myself for who i am. to be a person that i would like. to know who i am.

i think interning at an architecture firm can be considered a definite step to achieving some of the above things i want. at least it's helping me to be a little less financially handicapped.

blogging about the shit stuff from work helps me to get over the things that i need to get over in order to somewhat resemble a human being.

really, people who are reading this, i am not as miserable as i sound. i may be itching like there's no tomorrow (oh yah, i'm having some bizarre allergic reaction to something. i don't know what though. the heat? the humidity? the moisturisers i bought from the states? the washing powder? the shower gel? i really don't have a f-- clue. i do know that i itch though. maybe it's time to seek professional help. think i'm already on my third box of zyrtec. tmd.) but otherwise, i'm really doing quite ok.

sorry if i've made anyone worry.

i'm happy?

2006-04-02T12:03:00.000+08:00

JL passed me some homemade quiche and a handmade card/letter this morning.

i actually woke up at 0850 to receive the goodies. (ok, so i only woke up coz JL called me before she left her place. but hey, at least i heard my phone - that alone is quite a feat considering i went to bed at 5am - and dragged my entire body out of bed) and surprise! i managed to resist the call of my bed by a shower and my drug of choice - coffee. and lo and behold, here i am blogging at the incredible hour of.. ermm.. 1055?

JL mentioned that i sounded sad from my blog in her card/letter. well, it's more like she's sad about the shit i get in life (which she finds out from reading me blog).

hmmm, i thought i display anger, fustration in my blog and sometimes i share useless things eg this [via popgadet]. this is so funny in a geeky way btw.

do i sound like life is treating me like dirt? coz it's not that bad really.

i kinda subscribe to the "motto" of [blogging] because I have no mouth, and must scream.

good stuff do happen to me. i just don't blog about them. don't really know why. coz i don't want to seem like i'm gloating? coz there may be people out there who's having a shit day and who just happen to chance on my blog?

or maybe it's coz i've learnt to feel happy from the smallest things. things which seem a tad pathetic to blog about. but just to convince people who happen to drop by that my life is more than bad stuff, here's some of the times when i feel some sense of happiness

when i catch a mtv by one of my favorite singers, shot in a city i like a lot. on a rare sunday morning no less.
when i chance on this and decide to buy it coz it's cheap
when i talk for four hours on the phone with my good friend and realise that despite the physical distance we had between us for the past five years we are still great phone kakis. i'm so glad she's back.
when i hear a song i like on radio or on the telly. even if it's a horribly beng/lian/uncool song.
when i get to sing to my heart's content at the karaoke
when i receive a letter from a friend

the last few years had been rather rough. but i also feel that i had a part to play for making my own life shit. i'm tired of whining and complaining excessively to my friends.

realised i was turning into my dad. who kinda goes on and on and on and on and on and on.. whenever things piss him off. a little like a stuck record.

and it's a pain. and i don't want to be a pain to my friends. and so i blog. if you're not interested, if you don't like to read long-winded whines, don't read. (it's a little hard to tell someone who's kaopei-ing away "stop! you're being a pain." i'm really trying to make my friends' lives easier)

i blog to stop myself from going crazy.

i blog hoping that whoever reads my posts might get some laughs (you have to admit there's some obscure hint of humour in the shit that happens to me or at least in the way i tell my stories).

really, i blog coz it's all about me. m e. ME. M E!!! mwaharharhar~ (can you see me inflating with ego and bursting into hysterical maniacal laughter like one of those super villains here?)

i thought it was rather coincidental that i caught 杰伦's 逆鳞 mtv after reading JL's card/letter. he's the "one of my favorite singers" i mentioned about earlier on. wasn't really impressed when i played the mtv while at karaoke the last time. but today i caught the lyrics which i thought somewhat describes what i feel about life.

这生命对每个人
都不公平也没道理
只能扑向泥泞迎向
那阵骤雨由不得你

如果生命对每个人
都不公平也没道理
那就让我带着孤寂
继续前进直到光明
继续前进

life may suck but whatever happened has happened. whine if you want to, mope if you want to, just remember to move on coz life goes on.

what lau eh. so bloody not negative. can't believe this is coming out of me.

2006-04-02T03:14:00.000+08:00

what should a girl do when she's craving for cake at 3am?

* * * * *

i'm sure my dad will think people who indulge in this are bums with too much time in their hands who're just asking for trouble. but i think it makes life a little less dreary.

link

2006-03-30T00:49:00.000+08:00

got this from here (via cowboycaleb). i like this one

(ComradOtter) "A train station is where a train stops. A bus station is where a bus stops. On my desk I have a workstation..."

and i think this is a rather interesting tee shirt

* * * * *

i've this strange (and rather silly) thing that i kinda believe in.

i think when my left eyelid twitches, someone is thinking badly of me (eg who? is so irresponsible.. who? is such a bitch..)

whereas when my right eyelid twitches, someone is thinking fondly of me (maybe who? is a rather thoughtful person..?)

and my left eyelid twitched rather a lot on mon. in fact, it just twitched. sigh.

celebrity lookalike

2006-03-19T22:33:00.000+08:00

as i check the regular blogs i read, i found this from here.

it's a face recognition thing. and here are my results.

with a photo from 2001, i look like these. i think whitney, brandy and elizabeth are there coz i smiled with my teeth in this photo. but enrique??

with a photo that dated back to 2003, i look like these celebrities. lee ang?? kathy bates?? thank goodness for emmanuelle beart. chiohbu..

with a rather pleasant looking photo taken some time in 2005, i look these

apart from ms huston, i think the results are rather flattering. though i don't know who janie tienphosuwan and nina hagen are. according to google, janie's a thai celebrity and nina's some mother of punk.

and lastly, using a photo from 2006, i look like them

methinks ha ji-won is rather 有性格的. wonder who she is. leslie cheung??

ooh.. song hye-kyo is a chiohbu! and how come bic runga looks malay?

and notice how maggie cheung appears in all?? ahem. wonder if that means i look like her. ahem. har~ seriously, i like maggie. she ooze charisma. it's such a bloody honor to look like her lah.

i also tried this family photo taken in 2001 where my extended family was included. it was rather amusing to see all the celebrity draw-a-likes.

i think i look more or less the same in all these photos (afterall, if my primary school teacher can recognize me after 7years? my looks probably haven't really change much these few years too) so i was amazed that with the family photo my #1 celebrity lookalike was grace jones.

scary!

but most of us had really.. erm.. lined (wrinkled) celebrity lookalikes. must be the photo.

but it was also the photo where i looked 52% like kaneshiro takeshi! drool.. and 47% like jay chou! omg. i like takeshi and jay mah, so it's kinda nice to think i look 47-52% like them.. sheesh i know.

and my brother looked 49% like jay chou! laugh! coz he (my brother) looked rather toot in that photo.

all in all, i think the results are rather flattering. at least most of the time i don't look like a guy. must be coz the photo i used was one when i was spec-less (unlike lmd). still, no matter how flattering it all is, i still feel like scrubbing my breast with steel wool.

but i have to admit, the website is awfully addictive.

* * *

got this from here.

my monster name is wicked slayer.

note what i feast on.

Your Monster Profile

Wicked Slayer

You Feast On: Starbucks

You Lurk Around In: Las Vegas

You Especially Like to Torment: Pop Stars

What's Your Monster Name?