the couple from hell - a pms rant
* * * warning! this is a super indulgent whiney post. please skip this if you've maxed out your daily prescribed dosage of whinesandcomplaints. but then again, i think in the heat of the moment, i've managed a little evil humour.* * *
JQ was a little surprised when i mentioned that work isn't going very well the other day. think i'm kinda stressed from work. can feel my stomach dreaming of rupturing.
it wasn't so bad in the first couple of weeks when i was working closer under A. i personally feel that A is really quite good at teaching dumb interns like me. A's patient. and quite organised.
i've been working under B for the last few weeks. and will be for the near future, i think. my fellow intern, JB feels that B is good at her job. but working with and attempting to learn from her makes me consider hara-kiri or something to similar results.
B gives me instructions. B gives me tasks. B tells me what the aims of the tasks are. but B doesn't really tell me what my tasks aim to fulfil in the end.
i try to complete my tasks, and maybe do more than required (so as to impress). but it's hard to exceed and impress when you don't know what you're ultimately working towards. this is partly why i enjoyed working with A. A gave me a view of the big picture. whereas currently, i think i'm somewhat in a fog.
for example, today, i found my extra effort for task X to be t o t a l l y in vain. all that bloody staring at the computer monitor. in vain. i don't think i have enough blood to puke out to express my tui-ness. to think i could have spent that time doing other more constructive things. puke blood
and when i don't go all out and meet the requirements coz i want to check with her before i find myself in another situation where i feel like raiding a blood bank j u s t so as to have enough blood to puke, she expresses disappointment at the things i bring to her to seek advice before working my guts out.
really, there's only that many times i want to feel like ripping my guts out in a day. but to have her sighing at my attempts to seek advice seems to evoke similar reactions from me. alas, i only have t h a t many internal organs i can mentally rip out in a day. it was a very mangled up me that walked out of the office today.
B is very overwhelmed with work. as such, i can understand when she gives me instructions that requires quite a bit of follow-up. eg the materials she gives me is incomplete. the base reference has some giltch.
it's just that when i approach her with my 琐碎的 little queries, i can feel her veins constrict. and that makes me want to solve things on my own.
but i'm from the batch (of students) that is reputed to have weak foundation.
and i'm working in something that i didn't get a degree in.
and it's the first time i'm attempting to design furniture that lookslikeaparticularbrandedfurnitureyetisdissimilarenoughtoavoidcopyrightsissuesand(this i find out today)stillevokesthefeelthebloodyexpensivebrandedfurnitureevokes.
maybe that's why i'm finding it a little fustrating to work with her. she may be good at her job (as JB says, which i think i agree a little), but i don't really think she's a very good mentor.
first she tells me not to refer to pastproj-1 coz it's not really relevant to what we're doing. today she asked why i didn't refer to pastproj-1 for a particular detail i showed her. the detail i showed her was hardly worked on coz i didn't really feel like killing my unicellular brain after i had my internal organs rolling in the dryer. so i was hoping for some ray of guidance before i hit the rocks. but instead i find myself ramming into the rocks when i thought i was still some what lost at sea.
s i g h. kind of felt like just throwing my entire self into the dryer then.
so, in order to save my soul, i left work rather early today to go catch brokeback mountain.
little did i know that was to be another ordeal.
really, i should stop feeling awkward and ashamed of watching movies alone. there're creatures from hell out there who only reveal their true selves in the movie theatres. and they are the ones who make me love watching movies alone.
i sat between this guy monster from hell and a somewhat benign being during the movie. the benign creature left her seat twice during the movie. this was somewhat of an irritant coz the bloody cinema did not, i repeat myself, d i d N O T dim out the lights during the freaking movie.
usually, one can hardly see the interiors of one's bag when the movie starts. but today, i could see what kind of handbag the female monster sitting a seat away was carrying. what kind of crap is this?? who designed for the lighting?? the dim lighting is sufficient to ruin the experience of going to the cinema to catch a movie and yet not bright enough to illuminate the row alphabet??! who the heck designed the bloody cinema??~!!@!
benign creature was really a mild irritant as she had the aisle seat. in fact, she's an angel compared to the couple from hell. let me list the ways they effing irritated the hell out of me.
- male and female monsters took turns to relieve their malfunctioning bladders. or maybe they had other urgent medical problems which they could only attend to by leaving the theatre. my word of advice - don't visit the cinema then. but let's just assume they have weak bladders. first, male monster, who's directly beside me, struggled out (coz he's f a t. i'm so politically incorrect. but he's such an effing irritant who ought to be.. terminated) to relieve his effing bladder. o n e minute after he returned, female monster decided her bladder needed to be relieved too. there she went, struggling out while blocking my view of the screen.
- while female monster was relieving her bladder (or maybe she was powdering her snout), male monster decided to indulge in his secret fetish - sound effects. he started breathing r e a l l y loudly. it was loud enough to drown out the tender whispers between jack and ennis. if not for subtitles, i wouldn't know they were whispering. it was as loud as some of the sound effects in the movie (such as the rippling of the stream? the stirring of the beans in the pan? i'm imaging all this. coz i couldn't hear the subtle sound effects with puff the magic dragon next to me)
- then female monster's phone rang during the movie. she had some cheesy kylie song as her ringtone. to silent kylie she began an effing phone conversation. she repeated her every sentence twice coz she was attempting to whisper into her effing phone (but obviously she'd failed. she managed to n o t convey her words to the caller but to her poor disturbed neighbours in the cinema instead). but does she learn a lesson? no!
- coz kylie got another chance to promote her song while i was trying to enjoy the movie. so yes, it was another very irritating phone conversation coz some people actually lack a brain.
- and female monster only discovered the silent function when male monster pointed it out to her after her second effing phone conversation. maybe he felt my sabres stabbing the air around them. yes. they were sabres. n o t daggers.
- then male monster's bladder decided to fail him a second time! o h m y g o d.
- also, male and female monster decided they couldn't bear to have a plastic drink bottle between them, so they happily occupied the cup-holder that ought to have been mine. his fat arm is fat enough to shoo my arm off the arm-rest but not fat enough to overcome a mere plastic bottle? why is this so, fate? why? so between the two of them, they have three arm-rests and three cup-holders. really. has it ever occured to them to n o t buy two drinks then? maybe then they won't need to visit the loo so often.
i tried to passive-aggressively take over a rightful arm-rest (i couldn't appropriate the cup-holder coz some thing had a plastic water bottle nicely settled in), but failed coz male monster was not only fat, he had fat skin too. he just couldn't keep his fat arm to himself and h a d to wrest for the arm-rest between us. i guess he's so fat that if he took over too much space from female monster he might just kill her. i guess he's illiterate too. and maybe that's why he didn't realise what a favour those slimming salons could be providing for him by bombarding the island with their slimming ads day after day.
so through out the movie, i had to constantly battle for the arm-rest and try my very best to drown out puffthemagicdragon. yes. i really do believe male monster thinks he's the reincarnate of puff the magic dragon.
actually i think i only attempt to fight with him for the arm-rest coz he's so damn F U C K I N G noisy. usually i'd just admit defeat and not use any arm-rests. but damnit! male monster is such a F U C K I N G asshat!
he was puffing away for a t l e a s t half the movie. try puffing away when you're watching a movie next time to get a feel of how d a m n irritating it is.
worst of all, he has this puff-laugh. where instead of laughing, he would puff out air with extra force. this is torture coz he would puff-laugh at e v e r y o t h e r thing which NOBODY else finds worthy of any (audible) reaction.
that is how he managed to disrupt at least half the movie for me. an attempt to simulate my experience:
... (this is when you actually get to appreciate lee ang's work)
puff. puff. puff. puff.
...
PUFF
puff. puff. puff.
...
PUFF
puff.
...
puff. puff.
...
PUFF
...
puff. puff. puff. puff. puff. puff. PUFF. puff.
and the story continues.
when he PUFFed when ennis got punched near a pub, i really wished i was punching him. alas, he's fat enough to flatten me. and so i'd to 忍气吞声 and shout here.
i've got no mouth. but i have to shout. (quote from cowboycaleb) and hence i blog.
if i had magic powers, i would conjure up a clothes peg and superglue. i'd pinch his malfunctioning nose with the clothes peg and superglue the clothes peg down so he can realise he is nothing but an ugly asshat and not puff the magic dragon.
then i would superglue his lips shut so he'll realise he could have attempted to breathe quietly through his mouth rather than through his faulty snout. i'll superglue it so well that he would wish he didn't use his hideous mouth to make out with the female monster while ennis and wife attempted and failed to have sex. it would seem that naked breasts or failed sexual intercourse turns him on. my my, the things that turn on such creatures.
anyway, i would watch him turn blue and laugh in his ugly face with utmost joy as he croak in his fat skin when he discovers he's not puff the magic dragon.
it seemed the excessive lighting wass really not a problem for them. it didn't seem to bother him that i knew he was churning out a hell lot of noise through out the movie. neither did it bother him with my constant refusal to surrender the arm-rest. but i guess the lighting was not sufficient enough to highlight all my sabres flying at their wretchedness. however the lighting was dim enough for them to feel comfortable making out while i was sending sabres at them. one can never know what creatures like them are thinking, can one?
i am so avoiding this cinema in future. what the hell's with the lighting???!!!
and this anecdote is also the perfect reason why one should watch movies alone. you never know when your friend might reveal his true (monster) self when the lights go off (or in this case, d i d n ' t go off).
* * * * *
how do i know when i'm losing it? when drinking gin on the rocks burns my wrenched stomach but fails to woozify my brain. i guess it's time for more booze.
i'm only on my way to alcoholism coz i want to stay off the path of blackened lungs. so don't bother lecturing me about my drinking.
hell hath a-pms-who? provoked.
