tired tired tired
decided to toss some frozen food into the oven when i got home tonight to compensate for the rather icky day i had at work.foraged the freezer compartment and found this.

i was like "huh?" 素肉菜饺子? 到底是素的饺子, 菜饺子, 还是肉的饺子? 难不成是素肉+ 菜的饺子??
(literal translation: [label] vegetarian meat vegetable dumpling
[thoughts in my demented head] vegetarian meat vegetable dumpling? so is it a vegetarian dumpling? a veggies dumpling? a meat dumpling? or is it perhaps a mock meat + veggies dumpling??)
and so i looked at the ingredients list

nb bloody eff-ers. it's a effing vegetarian dumpling lor.
stupid mistake for an irritated person to spot.
* * * * *
what is expected of an intern?
today was another one of those days where i felt so freaking du lan that i wished i smoked.
coz maybe then i would feel better. maybe, by blackening my lungs and shortening my lifespan i might spare myself of some agony.
i was given the task to do the interiors of the lift lobbies of this china-based project.
lift lobbies. doesn't sound impressive. but if you think about it, it's a space that people use almost everyday. and it's a space that's used by quite a lot of people.
thing is, this project has fifteen? (thereabouts, too many for me to rememer the exact number) lift lobbies. and most of them differ by a little bit. some have diff width, or diff length, some have a kink in the floor plan all of a sudden..
was given the task last week. so i've been working on it for two weeks.
to work on fifteen lift lobbies is a little crazy given that we have to
- come up with the layout
- come up with the elevations
- choose the furniture, finishes like carpet, wallpaper, wall treatments, lighting..
- and color the drawings
so i'm doing the layout for eight lobbies and pulling elevations for four of them. so far, maybe 2.2 elevations are out. and they're still subjected to changes if the interior designer decides that the plans need to be amended (high possibility). and i've a total of eleven elevations to pull.
how am i going to render the drawings when the drawings are not out? (next week's scheduled for rendering)
i've never done interiors before. never really learnt it in school. i'm as green as they can come. yet i'm given this rather demanding task (for a effing intern).
because i really don't know what shit i'm doing, and there's only one interior designer around, can you blame me for going to her for advice?
was feeling rather stressed today coz the deadline was slowly but surely making its existence feltas time slips by.
usually i would consult the interior designer at least a couple of times a day, just to get some direction of where i should be heading, some hints of what i should be producing.
despite all my consultation with her, i still can't produce what she wants. today, i was just trying to come up with something maybe try to meet the schedule i've somewhat set for myself.
happened to spot her after lunch, and i just asked her one simple effing question.
how does the effing catalogue you asked me to refer to look like. (there's like 5-6 shelves worth of potential catalogues i'd have to sift through if i only knew the effing name that she gave me. which happened to be wrong btw)
and she tried to brush me off by saying jokingly "i'm not available to answer any questions today. i'm not available. i'm doing something with ABC here"
"can't you tell me what it looks like?"
"i'm not available" (in her effing joking manner. all the while avoiding eye contact with me)
like what the f??
i know you're busy. but will it kill you to just tell me what the effing book looks like?
so i was making my "whatever.-bitch-what-can-i-do-i-momentarily-forgot-that-i'm-but-a-lowly-intern-who-should-be-treated-like-dirt-oops-or-am-i-less-than-dirt?" look. which i'm pretty sure ABC saw. (suspect she told interior designer i got pissed later on in the day)
i know she's busy with her work. but both the interior designer and ABC are going to get help next week to meet the deadline. and i'm doing all the effing lift lobbies myself. i know i only have one task on hand. but it's eight lobbies leh! eleven elevations leh! plus photoshopping leh! i've to photoshop nineteen drawings leh! nineteen!
and i'm an effing intern. do you think i like to bother you all the time with questions? but how else can i learn?
i try to observe and pick up things. but sometimes, the things i refer to are wrong (eg the interior designer's past works which she likes to refer me to.)
so when she asks me why i did something this way (when this way is wrong) i can only go eerrr..
why? coz i don't know any better? y'know, that's why i'm an intern.
coz i looked at your drawings and i attempted to follow your mistakes?
coz i studied architecture and not interior design at a motivation-murdering school?
coz i'm a stupid ass?
take your pick.
i know she's busy with her work (she has a hell lot of it), but if you push me aside when i ask for help, and then i go around producing things that are so fatally wrong, and i don't have time to correct them and rethink through them and i can't finish the stuff i'm tasked with, then what?
i'm just too tired to take her jokes. it's my fourth consecutive day working till past ten. and i'm going back on saturday. and after getting brushed off by her and later told that i've to start photoshopping next monday, i'm going back on sunday too.
not that going back on the weekend will mean that i can start my rendering on mon. i don't foresee myself finishing 8.8 drawings and correcting nineteen drawings by monday.
i'm going to follow my own schedule. i'm going to try draw and design as well as my very tired body can. i will conserve some energy for overtiming next monday to friday. and i will continue to question myself if i'm not being the best intern i can be.
the pain and struggle of coming up with something that you thought was it. to have it criticised and then directed onto a journey with vague directions (which may be wrong). i'm sure there is some delight in all this.
i need rest.

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