help!
"I don't know why but your page seems to cause my IE to crash. so i click on stop before it is fully loaded
coz am happy just to read the recent entries. but sometimes it even crashes when b4 even your entries are visible. what could be wrong?"
oh dear, you mean you don't get to read the old entries? what goodness are you missing out on? ahem.. sorry about the shamelessness. seriously, don't think you're missing out on much. probably stuff you're better off not reading about anyway. so back to your crashing IE problem.
eh. i haven't a clue why. maybe i'm secretly a hacker who's out to ruin microsoft? yah.. i wish. i'm too much of a 电脑白痴.
hmmm.. does anyone out there who happens to be reading this blog happen to face this problem too? i use firefox, and my blog doesn't cause my firefox to crash.
not that i think i'll be capable to do anything to stop my friend's IE from crashing. just because my blog does not use a standard blogger template doesn't make me a.. templatetweakingIEkillingwhiz? i just follow instructions and copy and paste one..
so anyone out there with the same problem and maybe some solution?
..help?
i read lifehacker
omg. i love lifehacker. i really really do.
along with boing boing. and gothamist. they really are great at compiling info.
however i suspect most of the useful computer programmes i discovered this year are from lifehacker (and m a y b e boing boing and gothamist. they each generate different types of usefulinteresting info). today, LH introduced me to quickrflickr
and now i can put many pictures in my blog with great ease!
here are some shots and descriptions that i'd uploaded and updated as i'd mentioned earlier on. in case you're too lazy to click and see the entire set.
hmmm, though i think the descriptions will make more sense if you read them in sequence (as in the set).
the interiors of the stata center. i like the use of vibrant colours.
another museum. but think there wasn't any exhibition going on.
or was there?
more jellyfish!
i'd only uploaded erm.. maybe 5% (or is it less?) of all the jellyfish photos i took.. heee..
holocaust memorial
don't you love the way the lines on the building seem to warp and thus creating some weird visual thing?
yum..
yes, it was damn good.
sigh. so chioh.
Posted by Quickr Flickr
wah biang eh. it's damn effing hot.
weather.com tells me it's 33degC, but it feels like 40. while forecastfox tells me it's 32.
my fan is blowing out warm air.
sigh. it's december for heaven's sake. why is it so effing hot? why??
Northeast winds prevail, sometimes reaching 20 km/h. Cloudy conditions in December and January with frequent afternoon showers. Spells of widespread moderate to heavy rain occur lasting from 1 to 3 days at a stretch. Relatively drier in February till early March. Also generally windy with wind speeds sometimes reaching 30 to 40 km/h in the months of January and February. - "North-East Monsoon Season - December to early March", courtesy of nea
true, we do get strangely strong winds that amaze me. notice how they carefully avoided mentioning of the effing temperature and the humidity. coz it can be summed up as such
Temperature: Diurnal range: Minimum 23 to 26 deg C and Maximum 31 to 34 deg C
Extremes: Minimum of 19.4 deg C and Maximum of 35.8 deg C
Relative Humidity: Diurnal range in the high 90's in the early morning to around 60 % in the mid-afternoon. Mean value is 84%, During prolonged heavy rain, relative humidity often reaches 100 %.
i didn't effing know the temperature is constant throughout the entire effing year. my geography teacher will be so disgusted with me. but what the hell.
* * * * *
i actually woke up at 9am today. but after gobbling down a slice of yummy bread, i went back to sleep coz it was damn hot, only to wake up four hours later, just in time for lunch.
should be getting on with my work but i really want to write about the dream i had during my.. four hour nap?
it's pretty long. made up of strange segments that don't really link up to each other. coz every time i drop back to sleep after getting awaken by the alarm clock, i think i start somewhere new.
- i was diving in a dream. i think. all i remember is getting out of the water onto the dock. and getting into a seemingly compromising position with a fellow diver. our oxygen tanks got hooked? tangled? he was not cute. he was a caucasian. he had a mole on his face, a big one. i did not think he's cute. yet i thought he was flirting with me and i was contemplating if i should too. J, my diving buddy was in the dream too. yes, my diving buddy who abandoned me and took her advanced cert without me. harumph.
- think i was at shaw lido. meeting people? but i saw 吴奇隆. in a white.. cardigan like thing. and nobody recognised him.
- i was in a car, going up the circular slope in some multi-storeyed carpark. M, a sec school classmate was there. i was n e v e r close to her. yet we were hanging out with a bunch of people. apparently we were on our way to dinner
somehow, we managed to make this other group lose a fella from their group (dreams don't have to make sense. mine seldom) and they were quite worried. the impression i got was that that fella hasn’t been in sg for long. i guess they were worried he would get lost.
anyway, so their group split up to look for him. and this guy was accusing us of causing all this trouble, so we felt obliged to join him in the search. somehow we got to asking if we were hungry. (i know this bit is totally out of point. maybe it’s coz i don’t remember everything from the dream, that’s why everything seems so disconnected.)
anyway, so we joined this guy (who was kinda cute i think) and we went asearching at some restaurants coz apparently lost fella mentioned something about wanted to grab a bite at this chinese restaurant or his fav restaurant.
so were nearly got ushered into one of my friends’ (let’s call her QuestionMark coz i can’t put a face to her. but i know i’m close to her) frequent haunt in that mall of what not which happens to be a Chinese restaurant when i asked if it was possible that lost fella was in h i s fav restaurant rather than QM’s fav restaurant. and cuteandangry guy was like oh yah! and we ran back to the restaurant we had walked past earlier on. we ran coz we were nearly ushered in by the enthusiastic er.. waiter? maitre d’ of QM’s restaurant. i felt kinda bad. he looked really happy to see our big group.
cuteandangry guy asked the maitre d’ like person at lost fella’s restaurant to look for lost fella. but the maitre d was like “we don’t admit people in tee-shirts” (lost fella’s in a tee-shirt). cuteandangry guy managed to get maitre d to look into the restaurant. and he/she returns shocked to announce to us that there were e l e v e n people dressed in tee-shirts in his/her restaurant.
so cuteandangry guy were arunning in to look for lost fella. while my friends and i looked in. he found him, apparently cuteandangry guy’s other friends found him too and they happily sat down while i dragged my friends away to QM’s restaurant despite that i fancied the décor of lost fella’s restaurant. was darkly lit.. looked classy somehow. QM’s restaurant was.. bright.. and bustling. but i felt bad for QM’s maitre d. and i didn’t think cuteandangry guy was no longer angry at us for causing him to lose lost fella.
and i woke up. haaar~ weird dreams eh..
ok. must do stuff.
ACT I
SCENE I
(girl is on the top level of the building waiting for the lift. lift that arrives first is the one that is directly facing the toilet entrance)
(girl enters lift)
(lift descends)
(lift stops and door opens. seeing no one outside the lift, girl presses 'close door')
(lift descends)
(lift stops and door opens. lady in pink strolls across open door towards the toilet)
LIP
amy, are you done?
(girl presses 'close door'. she catches a glimpse of LIP turning to look at the closing door)
SCENE II
(girl walks along and voices start in her head)
VOICE1
that was mean
VOICE2
...
V1
anybody else would have kept the door open.
V2
...
V1
you weren't even in a hurry.
V2
...
V1
she had this.. i've-been-wronged look. she looked like she would haunt you down.
V2
it's done. look, so she might bitch about me. curse me. she might close the lift door in MY face if she bothers to remember this. isn't it my fortune that i dont' really try to rush into the lift most of the time?
(v1 continues to berate while v2 remains untouched)
end of ACT I
* * * * *
ACT II
SCENE I
(v1 berates while v2 remains indifferent while girl walks to her bus stop)
MAN (standing some 50m away)
miss! Miss! MIss! MISs!!! MISS!!
(girl finally realises someone is trying to get her attention. girl stops with a furrowed look)
(man approaches girl)
MAN (whispers now that he is 50cm away from girl. unaware that girl is half deaf)
whisper whisper
GIRL (irritably hashes up hopefully a reply that has answered man's question. girl is unsure if she was asked a question in the first place and is annoyed by man's sudden decision to not shout at the top of his voice but instead whisper like she's wearing some overly sensitive hearing aid)
i'm kind of rushing home
MAN
i whisper tourist from china whisper whisper
whisper friend whisper late/not here
whisper money whisper food whisper
GIRL (disgusted, says in a curt, rude and utterly not tourist-friendly manner)
i'm broke myself
(girl walks off and continues on her way)
V1
that was mean. maybe he was really broke and needed money. you were mean TWICE in a row!
V2 (muttering)
i know. i feel bad too.
V1
so anti-tourism board
think about it, what if you were in his shoes.
you travelled when you were broke too
V2
hmmm...
V1
imagine how you would feel if you had met you?
V2
...hey. i was broke when i was in the states. my friend was late when picking me up. i didn't go around begging,
V1
asking
V2
fine, asking for money for food. i would rather starve. it's so.. prideless.
in fact, i would have asked to borrow a phone to make a call to my friend. not that i would lend my phone to a strapping tall stranger who has longer legs than me even if he did ask. i could never outrun him if he decides to run off with my obsolete but nevertheless functional phone.
in fact, i could have asked the hotel i just walked away from if i could use their phone. aren't hotels supposed to be hospitable?
in fact, why couldn't he have gone to a restaurant and order and eat and wait for his friend to show up with the cash? do i look like a cash cow? do i even look remotely approachable with my hands stuffed in my pockets??
wtf?
he deserves it
V1
... still
V2
really?
V1
...
end of ACT II
* * * * *
ACT III
SCENE I
(girl continues to walk to her bus stop)
V1
seriously you've earned yourself some pretty bad karma. considering all the crap that's happening to you, more bad karma does not bode well
V2 (sulks)
...
V1
bad karma..
V2 (continues to sulk)
...
V1
..bad karma..
V2
...
(girl turns back and sees her bus approaching. and she breaks into a sprint without a second thought.)
(girl runs like almost never before - all the while keeping her mouth closed. and makes it on to the bus)
(girl pants with her mouth closed so she wouldn't look too pathetic. and ends up over-inhaling, stretching her lungs the way she did when she tried to play around with her buoyancy underwater)
(girl finally catches her breath)
V1
why did you keep your mouth closed the whole time?
V2
why did i run?
V3
it just felt right
V2
this can't be bad karma. i made it to the bus while somewhat maintaining maybe a shred of dignity? damn. i must be digging myself some damn deep grave. fuck.
V1
you're so screwed
V3
ooommmm..
end of ACT III
another sleepless night.
my thoughts feel like water running out of broken tap. i try to capture the good ones, but it's like trying to fill a sieve with water.
since the boss is not in yet, i shall blog away! coz my thoughts are running amok!
* * * * *
think i've been pushing some of my friends away. think i haven't been keeping as in touch with some of them as i would like to.
thing is, i'm in a rut. and i know it. i know i should get out of it. i know there's an urgency. it's like a malignant cyst. (think calling it a tumour's kinda erm.. hyperbolic) i know the prognosis. i just can't bring myself to excise it out of my system. i'm the kind 死到临头才可能，或许, 会觉悟.
i hate meeting my friends and telling them how i'm still living with my "cyst" when they ask "so what's up with you". i hate it when they give me the prognosis that i know so well. i hate sounding like a disappointment. i hate to let them know i'm still living like.. a vermin? a parasite? i hate to feel so aimless, so stagnant when they tell me everything that's up with them. i hate comparing myself with them.
i find this quote from 亦舒 super appropriate for me:
在得意的时后, 我喜欢见朋友, 不得意的时候, 情愿一个人
and it doesn't help to jokingly call me a slacker.
i know you're joking. but that's doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
i'm really afraid i might just thrust the surgical blade into those who care enough about me when they don't stop with the prognosis dispensal or the joking.
i don't want to hurt anyone. but i don't know how to tell you that you're hurting me either.
:: 0945h
i'm a temperamental person. have been since young. as i aged, i tried to tone it somewhat. the best i can do now is to keep to myself when i'm in one of those moods. but still, it's rather obvious from the words that (sometimes are forced to) spill from my wretched mouth.
being in the rut now is really really taking a toll on me.
i don't want to share all the crap i'm going through with my friends coz they don't deserve it. i put myself where i am today. i know. you know. and you can't help but dispense your advice. that's what friends go, i guess. but your advice is killing me.
you can't help but want to share your life. that's what friends do. but knowing how great everything is for you while i'm.. not near anything close is killing me.
YX: i'm sorry i was so curt on the phone. when you're too busy for me, when i'm too ashamed to see you, when i can't help that the cable tv, the computer, the internet, the library books, my bed have become my best friends, when it just seems more pleasant to hang out with inanimate objects that fact real live living people who keep reminding me what a mess i'm in even when they don't mean to. when even the weather feels like it's got a personal vendetta against me, i really hope you understand why i chose to hide away rather than dash out at a last minute notice.
C: i didn't really mean to snap at you. but sometimes, your enthusiasm suffocates. when i try to push myself into a forgotten corner so i won't hurt people, you prod at me to get my attention. i really tried not to express any.. irritation. but as the saying goes, a leopard never changes its spots? my temperament still needs work. looking at you is sometimes like rubbing salt in the wound.
and i wonder if it might make a difference if i've a typical guy friend. i imagine he would just pop by when i need a friend and just sit with me as i watch cable and eat junk food and drink. no talking. that's the problem with female friends. you know, how females must share and communicate.. and talk. (all this is stuff i get from trashy female magazines.)
i enjoy that - talking.. communicating.. sharing.. just not when i'm stuck in a rut. that's when i need a silent friend. or just someone who won't press for any response from me.
oh yah, not getting any sleep at night is no help at controlling my temperament. really, i should just tattoo "rabid when deprived of nocturnal snooze" on my forehead. too bad my forehead's kinda small.
:: 1352h
what's worse that having friends who are ask "so what's up with you" is to have acquaintances ask the question.
scenario 01 - i spill it all and embarass myself while creating a most awkward situation where said acquaintance won't know how to respond coz really he/she doesn't give a shit about me.
scenario 02 - i spill it all and said acquaintance emit strange sounds that sound somewhat empathetic.. somewhat 敷衍 and and i think to myself i am going to avoid you till i get out of my rut. which doesn't seem like anytime soon. i can't believe we're going to reenact this scene over and over and over and over again. damnit. i will terminate all possible 寒暄的机会
scenario 03 - i spill it all and make said acquaintance feel so mighty good about himself/herself. yes, let me show you my hideous "cyst", let me shout it in your face that i know my "cyst" is bloody ugly. yes, if it would make you feel good.
scenario 04 - i smile politely and attempt to act shy/dumb but will probably end up projecting a dao impression.
* * * * *
i practise quite erm.. stringent censorship on myself.
coz i know there are consequences to blogging. i know there are consequences when you put things online. you never know when it would bite you back.
i wish some of my friends would read my blog. so they'll know how important they mean to me. so they'll know how sorry i am for being who i am. for the way i treat them.
but it's.. so. degrading to keep bugging anyone to read. i mean, some people just don't read blogs. sometimes i think it's coz my writing ain't their cup of tea. hey, some people's blogs aren't my 杯 of teh either.
took me a while to decide if i wanted to blog about being in the rut. i can't help but feel a little sad if a total stranger who just so happened to chance on my blog reads it and actually got to know the works in me when the people i wish would know don't.
i know i'm the one creating the distance between us. it's called a vicious cycle. i wish things are not the way they are. and i'm just trying to change myself.
i just wish you knew that i didn't mean to hurt anyone.
:: 1439
