man! so that's why blogger has been so screwy the past couple of days. now i can add images through blogger straight! instead of using hello or flickr. man, i'm impressed.
this is a photo of the object of my heart's desire. i love you i love you i love you i promise i will own you one day.
(but i fit between S & M. damnit. and they only come in S/M/Ls)
was still having an icky patch today(wed). but i'm feeling better now. hope it'll last though.
finally saw K today. it's nice to talk to her. it's even greater to get my dfs beer. heee.. it's nice to hear about her and "her" cat. i like cats.
yes, i've more dfs beer. happy. but i'm still abstaining. waiting. patiently. for friday.
work was a little smoother. kinda gotten used to the mess i've to make sense of. i love being in control of a mess. that reads weird.
i like order. but messes are unavoidable. so i guess the next best thing would be to gain control over messes. hmmm..
harriet flew my aeroplane. (sigh. and to think i was trying to blog in proper english) i messaged her last night to arrange to meet her tonight during her shift at the cafe so as to settle some resignation documents. and she gave me an affirmative reply.
when i popped down tonight. she wasn't on shift. and i guess it slipped her mind that i was popping down to fill in some document. i guess a formerly-lowly-paid-part-timer is really too insignificant to the great honcho who probably has t o n s of other things more worthy of her time. bitch.
well, i know she might have some really urgent thing, but still, it's quite rude. harumph. w? is petty k. harumph.
but coz i popped down to the cafe, i saw some fellas who had quitted like.. a year ago? and it was so nice to see them. think that's what cheered me up.
goofing around with them. amusing them with my somewhat bizarre antics.
example. i set a napkin on fire. well, i thought i could put it out. apparently you shouldn't blow at it. blowing will not extinguish a napkin on fire. but hey, at least now we know the new al fresco tables are painted with fire-proof paint..
i really enjoyed playing the clown. it didn't take a lot of effort to amuse them actually. think my face managed quite well by itself half the time
(maybe i've forgotten to mention this. but w?'s face has a life of its own. it will contort and distort to its means when exposed to everything/anything.
cockroach. make face. moth. make face. rude drivers. make face. cute guy. make face.
w? claims to have little to no control over her face)
and that's the reason why i prefer to hang out with guys. sometimes.
sometimes, when i meet the correct bunch of guys, i can be teh and goofy at the same time. i think partly why i like to be teh is coz i'm the elder child. and i'm a girl. being teh is quite natural to me lor. damnit people, w? is teh. face it.
but coz people tend to get disgusted with teh people, and due to my bad experience with bad people, i find myself checking my behaviour quite often so as to not offend people with my innate teh-ness. yes. it's innate. harumph.
it's another delicate balance that i'm trying to balance.
but anyway, the three guys i saw tonight were the right kind of guys.
it's really fun to
snap their elastic wrist bands (bwaharhar~),
curse and bitch in front of them (w?'s a bitch!),
attempt to fill them in on the "current" gossip (quite a sad attempt in my opinion. but hey, they've been out of touch for so long even w?thelasttoknowanything managed to excite them with the "current" gossip)
listen to their stories.
see their expressions as i filled them in on things.
yah. think hanging out with them helped. so maybe it was a good thing that harriet flew my aeroplane.
oh. and i got my appetite back. not really sure if that's good or bad. hmmm. ah well
never thought i would find myself missing alcohol so much.
heard on the radio earlier today that drowning one's sorrows (with alcohol) does not work! according to an experiment conducted by.. some people.
they told a group of people (group A) a story, and let them drink. then they told another group of people (group B) the same story. but let them leave without any drinks. the next day, they asked both groups of people about the story. and group A remembered the story better than group B.
conclusion (they reached): drowning one's sorrows only serves to imprint (better/harder?) the sorrows one is trying to drown.
however, i feel that coz getting drunk is such a debiliating act that, i have no energy to wallow in whatever's causing me misery. and that's good. well it is for me.
when i say getting drunk, i mean, getting a little tipsy. feeling a little whoozy.. such that all w? wants to do is go to sleep. (yup. w? also suffers from a slight sleeping problem. alcohol is a pretty good substitute when one has no sleeping pills)
according to my body, 150ml (thereabouts) of vodka/gin is sufficient to create the desired effect for me. is that a lot? i do mean 150ml of pure vodka/gin. with the tonic it was probably 300ml?
according to my brother that's quite a lot of alcohol to consume. well, i do drink from a pretty big mug. yes, i've taken into account the tonic that i poured too. but is it really a lot?
and today, i'm feeling.. less than wonderful. such that i feel like drinking again. but because i don't want to become an alcoholic. because i love my liver (somewhat) i am going to abstain from alcohol till friday.
and my new dfs lychee liquer is just sitting there waiting for me. damnit! and all i can drink now is tonic. damnit!
just watched initial d with JQ. it was ok. i so wanna sit in a drifting car. dangerous. i know. potentially life-threatening. i know. that's why one must look for a qualified driver mah. speed is really addictive.
jay's acting. erm. is pretty bad. but hey, i didn't enter the cinema expecting to swoon over his acting. he's not tony. he is quite cute mah. so JQ, get over the fact that he can't act! how can you even expect him to?
but yah, edison is cute.. drool.. his acting's not bad. but the camera didn't really stay on him a lot. so i can't really tell.
was talking to JQ about her and her brother. i've kinda made the two of them my new little pet project. i wanna know this pair of siblings better. coz i see similarities between JQ-her brother and me-my brother.
JQ & me
were from the same secondary school
were from the same education stream. (let's refer to this as the asd stream)
both have brothers who are four years our junior.
it's not everyday i meet girls with younger brothers. and even less who have brothers f o u r years their junior. and someone who is from the asd stream, with a brother four years younger than her!
being in the asd stream is quite significant coz, i feel that it is somewhat responsible for who i am today. for my insecurities. for my attitudes. but the asd stream, is a story best saved for another day.
i just feel that, by getting to know/understand JQ-her brother better, i might gain some insights to the relationship i have with my brother.
my brother and i, come from a rather uncommunicative family. things just turned out this way. coz my dad's the way he is. coz i'm the way i am. coz things are the way they are.
i would say that i'm closer to my brother than to my mom or my dad. but i still withhold things from him. my communication skills aren't that great either.
and despite that i claim that he's the closest immediate family member to me now, he is still the reason why i resent my parents somewhat.
thought i had gotten over it. but when i talked to JQ about it, i was so. worked up.
i know why they treated us differently. i know their reasons. but if we had had better communication, maybe they might question if their reasons were so valid afterall.
and even though i understand that they did all that coz they thought i'm independent. it still hurts.
nobody ever treats me like i'm a f-- girl. i know i'm fat. i do have somewhat big bones. i'm not the typical frail weak girl you get in those typical stories. i know i've an independent streak. but it's only a f-- streak. damnit. i do want to be taken care of sometimes you know.
sg guys treat me like i'm invisible. my parents treat me like i'm the elder son and my brother like the younger daughter (i exaggerate. but it is true to a certain extent). damnit. i want to be f-- taken care of. damnit! and all i can drink is tonic. damnit!!
i would love to know my brother better. but, i don't want to probe. not that i'm really good at probing anyway. plus, i think he's at the age where probing is b a d. i don't know if he'll ever be ok with my probing. i'm curious. i can't help it. i really want to know more. he is quite an interesting character. with not bad taste in cds. things are really quite fine the way they are now (with me probing now and then. and sharing some totally uncalled for information. and stopping quite soon.) and i don't really want to upset this.. delicate balance.
i guess i don't feel so bad probing JQ's brother. well, the worst that can happen is that he thinks i'm a crazy weirdo and he'll stay away from me. he's not my brother.
sigh, all this dredging up of my past is worsening the icky patch i'm in. think i'm going to attack the bottle of water chestnut drink in the kitchen. great, instead of becoming a f-- alcoholic, i'll become a f-- diabetic fatty.
it's kinda embarassing to blog this. but hey i did kinda decided to adopt honesty in my blog. think i picked that up from waiter. but, it's a little difficult to find exactly which blog entry of his i got it from. so here goes.
got drunk last night. at home. alone.
i'm not an alcoholic. pathetic maybe, but not yet an alcoholic.
i drink at home coz
dfs booze is all little o' me can afford to get drunk on.
i don't want to trouble anyone to take care of me when i get drunk (which i did once. no more.. no more..). at home, i can just walk back into my room and zonk out.
yes, i'm a sensible, responsible, ocassional alcohol imbiber.
basically i decided to drink last night coz the void got to me. and i think the whole process of getting drunk, getting a slight hangover, trying to overcome the hangover eases that empty feeling. some lessons i've learnt
an empty stomach really helps one to get drunk faster.
salty mixed nuts consumed after the first couple of sips gulps of vodka (+ tonic) does n o t help to slow down the absorption of alcohol. hangovers can be overcomed (for me at least) with
lots of sleep
lots of water
some dosage of vitamin c
some sugars
a small dose of painkiller
symptoms of hangover includes: "headache, nausea, diarrhea, lack of appetite, shakiness, feeling tired and an overall feeling of being unwell" courtesy of www.diagnosishealth.com/hangover.htm
no wonder i was diarrhea-ing like mad this morning. no wonder i don't feel like eating. the things i learn.. hmm..
did manage to stuff down some yogurt+cereal+banana for breakfast. i didn't even know that's recommended.
quite a lot of people think i'm a alcoholic or a budding one at least.
i think i've a healthy appetite for alcohol. i drink coz it's nice to feel tipsy.
recently, i've come to terms with the fact that i like order. i've always been trying to fight that bit of me. coz i want to be artistic.
and to think when it comes to things like this, it's either you are or you're not. and there i was trying to be.
i fought the order-liking part of me coz i am too uptight. and it's not what i perceive to be an artistic characteristic. it's strange lah. my mind's a little short of screws.
but now, i try to moderate it. try to find a balance. i'm finally accepting that i need order in my life. and that's partly why alcohol appeals to me more now than ever.
i need a break from that pursuit of order. it's actually quite tiring to have to meet up to my own standards.
besides, i don't get drunk often. got dead drunk once. whereby i actually don't remember parts of the night.
when i share that with my friends, i get the impression that they think i'm an alcoholic/budding alcoholic. think either my friends have n e v e r gotten themselves dead drunk before, or they choose not to share that with me.
i'm not ashamed of having gotten dead drunk before. at least now i know how bad a hangover can really be. and it feels horrible to actually not be able to remember what i've done. and so, i try not to let that happen again. shudder.
so this time round, i got drunk at home so i won't have to trouble people to take me home (see, i'm somewhat responsible). getting drunk still feels like shit though not as bad as blacking out but i don't really want to go through all that horridness on a regular basis, thank you.
didn't managed to blog about the previous episode coz last week was rather hectic. working. quitting. driving all the way to turf city to buy shoes. going out. buying new tote bag. making truffles. it was a flurry of activity that had left the otherwise sloth-like who? rather drained.
last week, i gained weight! (according to the weighing-in they do prior to every session)
as a result, today, i was put under the torture of another machine instead that's supposed to be some 4-in-1 thing. ie a more powderful machine.
however, according to the weighing-in before today's session, my weight had dropped. compared to the second session. ie
last week's weight gain was partly due to pms - water retention.
my appetite today was l o u s y. breakfast was insubstantial. lunch was 3/4 eaten. dinner has yet to be consumed.
i was attended to by the same therapist (T4) i had last week.
basically there's nothing much to say about last week's session coz i didn't manage to figure out how the machine works. though the therapist did give me a tip on how to get rid of that bulge at the armpit area.
where the arm joins to the torso, some people have this fleshy bit of flesh there. it's resistant to pushups as my past experience has shown. breaststroke is rather ineffective too (for me at least).
according to T4, skipping (with a skipping rope) is supposed to help. but, the rope has to be of a certain weight. lightweight ropes are useless. and apparently popular stocks this skipping rope that has a counter that can count the number of skips you've skipped. the advancement in technology seldom cease to amaze me.
today's machine involved the use of cold cold gel. kinda like a mint gel. i was still tingling on my way home. with the use of today's all-powerful-4-in-1 machine, i didn't need the massage that i usually get at the start of the session.
and in my fervour to maximise my money's worth, i tried to get T4 to set the machine to a higher power. as a result, my right calf went into a cramp. it's still kind of cramp-y now (2 hours after the session).
but it's already my fourth session. and i'm still fat. f a t. f a t.
i sound obsessed don't i? i'm just trying to squeeze every last drop of my money. i'm a kiasu singaporean.
hey they tried to sell me some detoxing thing (to be consumed) last week. $200++ for two weeks supply. gosh, do i look like some cai tau? and (i figured) the key to not getting sucked in, is to refuse to whip out one's card.
so proud of myself that i didn't buy that detoxing thing. am i supposed to survive on air?
and really, i'm more in control of this weight loss thing that i seem from these blog entries. coz
i don't have the money to obsess over it.
i do like my food.
i don't want to lose my boobs. har.
but losing weight is seriously doing some good for my self-confidence. (the reflections after diving helped more, but losing weight helps in its own ways) even if no one notices the loss except me.
ok. so i exaggerate, two people have commented that i seem to have lost weight. but due to the potential embarassment i might face if these sessions fail (nnnnnnnoooooooooo~), i have chosen to withhold the fact that i'm a slimming centre patron. for the time being.
i've always walked in a rather chor lor manner. sometimes (in the past), i suspected it's coz my thighs are too humongous, and when i tried to walk like a lady (ie with your feet in a straight line? vs walking like there's a watermelon between my legs), my thighs would rub together. and it's damn uncomfortable lah!
omg. the disconcerting things i'm revealing in my blog. i must really have abandoned "face" if i allow this to be published.
now, i find it possible to walk like a lady (without feeling too damn uncomfortable). damnit. so my theory w a s right! and that is one advantage of losing weight.
my friends once mistook a guy to be me. it was after physical education lesson in school. we were all in our pe attire --- t-shirts + shorts. i had shorter hair then. and apparently i have a gait that's particular to me. it's supposedly possible to identify me from the way i walked. fine, who? doesn't know how to walk like a normal person.
i had disappeared into the loo. and my friends nearly hailed this guy down coz they thought he was me from the way he walked. so, i walk weirdly. it's either i walk like a guy, or that guy (unfortunately) walks like me.
losing weight is kinda addictive. i like not having to squeeze into my clothes. i like walking like i don't have any watermelons/honeydews/wintermelons between my legs. at least now i can really attribute the Ls and XLs i wear to my bones. but i swear, i won't let losing weight overwhelm my life.
i thought a night of sleep might have made me all better. but that empty feeling still haunts me.
and it's kinda depressing i guess. found myself having to take more effort to be cordial. and once i'm able to get away from human contact (eg, by being front of the computer, when i take the bus by myself) i lapse into this void.
but there are advantages. i realise that depressions (if one would even consider this a form of depression. i'm just calling it so. it's really not that serious) can have effects on my appetite. depending on the cause of the depressions and the degree of depression.
and this particular patch that i'm in now is suppressing my appetite. but besides that little bit of advantage, i still feel kinda numb/stoned/empty.
so JQ, if you see this a n d if HX says i'm unfriendly/dao/whatever, it's really coz i'm.. in a void at the moment. dun need to explain to him. i'm only explaining to you coz i know you think i'm sweet and all. (sic) heee.
i guess it's hearing about CN and seeing LSC when i thought i'd never ever see him again. it's all kinda reiterating to me how things will never ever be.
i must really wake up earlier so i can n o t jog at noon. managed to hydrate myself too well again today. so well that at the end of the run, i had pee to pee.
but in my last km, my lips were dry, my mouth was kinda parched. true, i was breathing through my mouth, but it felt terrible. so my conclusion is: the timing of my hydration has to be tweaked. and i m u s t stop jogging at noon!
think the heat and sun got to me. coz i'm having a headache now. but i did managed 3km in 25mins again. despite having a stitch (due to overhydration) for the first half of my jog and battling thoughts of stopping in the second half coz the heat was so terrible.
my face looked like a baboon's ass after my run lah. and it was still flushing six hours after my jog. it didn't look red, but it sure damn hell felt hot. and cold beer helped. thanks PQ.
=================================================
met up with some people from junior college just now. coz PQ (who's currently studying in the states) was back.
it was nice to see them.
it was definitely nice to see BH. but i really don't get him. is he my friend? i tried to maintain contact. but it's kinda hard when that particular someone doesn't make an effort. BH is another story which i'll save for another time.
and it's nice to see PQ. really.
during the gathering, PQ mentioned about CN.
CN's this guy that i had had a torch for during our school days. it was a one-sided thing. however, i was pretty obvious i think. during those days, some people did ask me if i had a thing for CN. but i'd always denied it then.
i never told CN my feelings coz i'm a bloody coward. i was so obvious that others could tell (though i kept denying it) so my conclusion then was that either
CN knew, but he chose not to do anything about it. meaning, even if i did manage to gather the guts to tell him, i'd probably end up all heartbroken and all. O R
CN was really t h a t oblivious.
anyway, i chose not to tell him.
when CN graduated, he left. went home. to a different country.
despite being separated by heavenknowshowmanymiles, i still had feelings for him.
it's kinda dumb. have always been quite embarassed about this. having feelings for him for so long. my feelings kinda continued for erm.. three years after he left? yes!!1 i'm really embarassed by this coz
it was a one-sided thing from the beginning to the end. if you even think that there w a s a beginning.
he is m i l e s away.
i don't really dare to mention this to my friends coz they think i'm a nutcase for liking him for so long and continuing to do so a f t e r he's gone.
but i really did like him.
it kinda ended three years ago when i finally realised that he's probably no longer the same guy that i knew. and i'm not the me then anymore. even though i think i'd hardly changed much.
the feeling is still there, but he's not him. and i'm.. i don't know who i am.
what's the thing with guys anyway?? is writing an email with more then 500 words some form of untolerable torture? i can't even really find out how he is coz he's so.. minimalistic with his words.
i don't know how he is. i don't know who he is. i tried to keep in contact. but he doesn't. (well, his way of keeping in contact isn't really the one i subscribe to) i don't know anything about him anymore.
so three years ago, i realised that i have to give it up. give up all slivers of hope and dreaming. every single drip and droplet.
i thought i'm over it all.
but then i heard about him just now. and now, i don't know.
PQ met up with CN before popping over to sg. apparently CN's fine. has a really sweet girlfriend and all. may be getting married soon.
my first reaction: oooh. that's nice.
i'm so proud of myself for feeling good for him. in the past, i probably would be feeling all numb first, before reaching any reaction. happy/jealous/whatever
but when i was on my way home, when i was all alone. that feeling came back.
that empty feeling.
should i cry? i do feel like crying. but i'm over him. i shouldn't be crying. but maybe crying might help me feel better. i feel kinda crappy now. but the tears aren't really ready to fall. but i can feel them! but i don't think i should be crying!
it's such a pain in the ass.
i had thought about telling him everything when i have the money to visit his country again. (the first time i went, i really went to see him) i thought this is something that i wanted to do face to face rather than telephone/email/whatever
his country is really a nice place to visit. i wanna go there again coz i want to know that place better, but i've to visit japan first while i still have free lodgings there. yes zf i know.
but now that i know he's happy and all. i don't know.
the reason why i decided to tell him about my feelings for him is coz i realised that it's the past. and telling him would be a kind of final closure for me. to have the courage to admit my feelings. to have the courage to accept that things will never be.
but do i really want to create any ripples in his life now? when he's happy and all? is closure for me more important than his peace of mind? maybe i'm thinking too highly of myself, suspecting that my disclosure would mean anything to him.
why do i still care if he would be affected by my admission of my feelings?
today (tue), jay was making an appearance at orchard road to promote his latest movie initial d.
i'd read about jay's appearance, but seriously, i'm more of a fan of his music. i think he's quite cute (my latest celebrity crush [LCC] is cuter). i think he acts cool most of the time, that can be a little kiam pah.
people think i'm crazy over him. i have to admit, i am a little. but really, i think i'm more crazy over being crazy over someone.
it's fun to scream for someone. it's fun to get all excited seeing someone. it's fun to just go all ditzy and teenyboppy. and i just happen to like to do it for jay.
so anyway, i wasn't planning on catching jay at orchard road today coz, i'm seriously not that crazy over him. but this morning, JQ messaged me and asked if i was going to see jay. my first thoughts were
"huh? see jay? where got money to watch intial d. i just watched two movies yesterday. eh..? see jay.. jay coming to sg today hor.. hmm"
also, my fellow jay fan kaki, YX was probably not free to go catch jay with me. and it's no fun going alone. but i thought, if JQ wants to go, i don't mind going.
however, JQ couldn't confirm with me if she would go coz she had a meeting at 1700h. i'd guessed that the event would take place at 1900h and that it would probably get delayed coz they always do.
while i was waiting for JQ to confirm with me, i lingered at my part-time workplace, walked to a nearby shopping centre to catch the free shuttle bus to orchard, ran an errand, bought an egg tart, finished the egg tart, caught the shuttle bus, and i was all ready to head home after the shuttle bus took me to orchard coz JQ still hadn't gotten back to me.
but damn, i saw the crowd. so i thought i'd just pop down and see. if it drags for too long i can always head home.
so i ended up hanging out there. waited a little long, but then JQ had finally confirmed that she would join me. so i stayed.
yes i saw jay. i love that he likes retro flowery shirts. i'm a little amused by his penchant for baby pink grand pianos, but i love his shirts! both YX and JQ are rather unimpressed by this taste in flowery shirts, but hey, they're retro. i like.
but what really made my day was that i saw my last school crush [LSC]. i'll need to elaborate a little on him.
LSC is a boy from my very small faculty in university. despite that my faculty was really small, i never really got the chance to talk to him, or to know him. but he's definitely the crush most worthy of mentioning from my uni days.
i like LSC coz
he's cute (JQ, the only person so far to see LSC and know that LSC is my crush, agrees. so he's really not that bad looking)
he's tall (178 i think..)
he's got broad shoulders (the thing i have for broad shoulders is like homer [simpson]'s thing for duff [beer])
he's got pretty good dress sense/fashion sense (gola shoes. puma t-shirt. adidas t-shirt. actually i think he's more vain than me coz he actually accessorises more than me. true, who? is a girl who's really not into accessories, but still, a guy accessorising more than a girl? where does he find the time??)
there're other reasons which make him crush-worthy for me. but they're more like speculations. coz i don't know the guy. there's only that much trailing a girl can do and not flunk her way out of uni. so the really undebatable reasons are really coz his looks please me.
who? is shallow. who? is obsessive. but he's damn cute lah!
in fact, the reason why who? developed a crush on LCC is only coz who? discovered one day that LCC looks like LSC. (notice it's LCC who looks like LSC rather than LSC looks like LCC? i'm deranged i know) in fact, LCC is a better looking version of LSC.
plus i could see LCC every weekday night in the past, whereas i could only see LSC a couple of times a week. some times he would skip school and i might not even see him throughout the entire week! why LSC why??
hence the need for LCC.
and despite that LCC is cuter than LSC, LSC definitely has a better command of the english language than LCC. don't know what's my point here.. anyway i like both!
ok. i think it's pretty clear that i'm still mad over LSC despite that i haven't seen him for over a year.
i'd thought that i would never see him again. i know that sg is small. but my life really revolves around a few areas in sg. and i don't think LSC's and my life really intersects. and i've kinda given up on the thought of bumping into LSC ever.
but i saw him today!
and my dear sweet JQ took photos of him. JQ: ..my gratitude is beyond words.
i finally have photos of LSC to drool over! i was kinda forgetting how he looks like already. i really need his photos. i'm mental. too bad.
anyway, my conclusion: going to see jay live is worth it.
first time i went to see jay live: jay's 2nd concert in sg.
it wasn't a great concert (not after watching jay's 3rd concert in sg). when the concert ended and the crowd was streaming out of the stadium, i saw my primary school crush [PSC].
now PSC is another story. he's really really really good-looking. he's better looking than LSC. might be even cuter than LCC. and i'd targetted him as my serious crush in primary school. p r i m a r y s c h o o l. yes, at the young and tender age of twelve, i knew PSC was cute.
in fact, PSC ended up at my junior college. upon realising that he is still alive and even cuter than before, my crush for him was reignited.
but our paths diverged after junior college. three years had passed when i finally caught a glimpse of him at jay's concert.
what amazed me most was that, there was t h a t many people. and i saw him. i saw PSC.
watched two movies today. haven't done that for quite a while. ever since i've to survive on limited income. and it felt good. wish i had money to get the funky shanghai jazz cds that i listened to after my movies though.
and indeed, the hand by wong kar wai was pretty good. there was definitely a storyline (which was kinda vague in 2046. but 2046 had tony.) the shots that he chose, the music. man he has great taste in music. and the strong motif of the hand. yummy movie.
reviews have commented that the hand is the best of the three works featured in eros. perhaps i've been influenced by them too.
i found equilibrium kinda ok at first, it kinda had a quirky feel to it until penrose was "cured". reading the synopsis on the website is not really helpful.
but the dangerous thread of things really left me baffled. it didn't help that i thought the acting was quite bad. might have been the heavily accented english.
in my father's den, on the other hand, was really enjoyable. the plot was rather engaging. and the acting was quite brilliant.
there was this episode of friends, where monica and ross went back to their parents’ place to collect their old stuff coz their parents were selling their childhood home.
and monica discovered that her boxes of things were ruined by a flood. and today, i experienced it.
the air-con unit in my room has this pipe that drains water (that would otherwise drip out the window and irritate the hell out of my neighbours) into a pail in my room.
guess i didn’t place the pail properly last night. and i flooded the room. flooded bathrooms, i’ve heard of. flooded kitchen. yah. i've even heard of flooded living rooms. but flooded bedroom (with n o attached bathroom)? sigh.
and i have a gadzillion stuff i leave on the floor. i have too little space and too many stuff. i woke up to
an utterly soaked messenger bag
lots of wet paper bags containing
comic books which i’d borrowed from a friend. thank goodness only the bags were wet
a modem
a zip drive & zip disk
an utterly ruined paper bag filled with more paper bags that were waiting to be re-used one day
a wet a1 portfolio
a wet bag of school materials
a wet box of more school materials
luckily damage was quite controlled. it’s more of the containers of my stuff that kena’d. the school materials.. comic books.. modem.. zip drive were all safe. thank goodness.
i did have to throw out half the things in my messenger bag. Vietnamese sausages, medication, pads, sweets.
it was also the third time in the last.. three months? that i have had to hang my bag out to dry. i had had to wash it twice in the last three months coz first it was smelling too strongly of coffee. and the second time, a banana had split in it. and today, it got soaked.
never have i ever heard of a bag that gets hung to dry as often as mine.
and it was a freaking hot day too! to be stuck in a hot room drying soaked things is not a good way to spend a Sunday.
but i did manage to make truffles today!
i’ve always thought truffles are an extremely expensive type of fungi that pigs sniff out. but now i know the term also refers to
“Any of various chocolate confections, especially one made of a mixture including chopped nuts, rolled into balls and covered with cocoa powder.” – courtesy of www.dictionary.com
had bought this truffles kit from muji. who? is a big sucker for muji. and since it was heavily discounted (70% off!!!) why not? truffles leh...
finally got the translated instructions from a friend a couple of days back
warning: when they say English translation’s included, check it first!!! damnit, the japanese instructions on the box included
the list of ingredients provided,
the additional ingredients to buy,
some points to note,
and the actual cooking instructions.
while the English translation of only the cooking instructions. in strange grammar too. and they actually included three sheets of the e x a c t same set of English translation! t h r e e!
nearly puked blood over this. but i was kinda lazy and embarrassed to go back and hound them over this (even though i did check with them if English instructions were included before i’d made my purchase), afterall i did buy it when it was super heavily discounted.
but i made them today. thanks zf!
they are quite yummy. but like Jamie oliver had mentioned in a particular episode, when it comes to baking, proportions are damn important.
in my attempt to achieve the desired hint of tequila in my truffles, i'd added too much tequila. and they refuse to solidify enough so that i can roll them into balls.
so instead of looking like this,
they look like this
they look better than they taste. besides, they don't really look that bad.
you can either freeze them, then they'll become little rocks of chocolate, or you can put them in the fridge and then peel them off the paper cups and stuff the entire dollop into your mouth.
but man, they taste good. little alcoholic bombs with a delicate fluffiness to them and a dash of roasted goodness from the chopped almonds. yum..
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latest instalment of the hello kitty gum wrapper thingumy.
14june – tue as i’d mentioned before, i think i talk too much about harriet. in fact i’m starting to bore myself even.
i guess partly why harriet bugs me so is coz nobody could emphathised with me. and partly coz i want to know why i feel the way i feel.
i can't help mulling over it, or overanalysing it. i need to explain my anger to myself. i need to explain to myself why i feel like i'm letting some bitch walk over me like i'm the freaking road.
all i'd really wanted was for someone to tell me that it's ok to feel the way i feel. that it's ok that i feel victimised. that it's ok to feel angry.
despite that i’m more selective in who to whine to. despite that i’ve only experienced the worse of harriet. nobody offered me the “yah i understand how you feel” thing. until recently.
i don't really whine to my friends outside bs café coz they won't get it. they never really got why i work there in the first place when the pay is like peanut skins.
and those whom i work with, they condone harriet. my guess is that either they just can’t see that your work life can be separate from your private life (and in my point of view, it should be. idealistically that is) or they just can't be bothered coz perhaps they haven't really kena'd as much as me.
i seemedto be the only one who's not really an old-timer (according to harriet) / in her clique nor am i a newbie/not in her clique. is that why i'm feeling so crappy?
is it only me who feels that if your personal skills really sucks, you shouldn’t really be in a leadership role such as a honcho of a café? (i’ve finally gotten t w o people to somewhat agree with me on this though. t w o. t w o. satu. dua. t w o)
true, k has explained that it may have been coz harriet was the best candidate among those who were to be selected to be honcho. but, if that’s the case, then i think the whole system has problems.
so i don’t care how you are as a person, as a friend. i don’t care if talking like a rude asshole is just the way you are all the time.
you were never my friend. you were fucking rude to me. and i suspect you’re rather hypocritical too. so don’t expect me to understand you. wtf.
anyway, it’s no longer any business of mine since i’ve tendered my resignation. think it’s giving me nearly a rush like that i get from diving. (but not as big a rush, diving is in a league of its own. but it's still a pretty good one)
yes. i am t h a t happy. can't believe i'd let myself suffer her crap for half a year.
15june - wed bought these the other day when i was having lunch at tiong bahru market. the wanton mee i had was pretty good. but the tissue paper i bought gave me more laughs.
since i can't really tell if the words are legible from my phone photos..
harry porter
tara tara sakura
a frog's life
that they spoofed the movie titles with such cute graphics definitely scored in my books.
the overly brainly harry monkey!
the adorable monkey & kitty!
and the frog! so cute!!!! looks a little asphyxiated but cute nevertheless.
16june - thu went jogging again. hey i’m actually keeping to it.
so far.
managed 3km in 25 minutes. that’s an average of 7.2km/hr.
finally. i’m doing an average speed (according to a friend).
nearly died though coz
i forgot to drink water the night before.
had been working for the past five consecutive days, so was damn shacked to begin with.
was suffering from pms-related lethargy.
was running at one plus pm coz i couldn't wake up coz of my tiredness. who in the world goes jogging at noon?!
had to battle with a pms-related stomach-ache for a couple hundred metres.
new shoes. still quite tough. light but not really flexible yet.
so all in all, i thought it was pretty good that i’d managed my 3k. was really forcing myself for the last 200m when i thought i wasn’t going to make it in 25 minutes.
the pain still haunts me. shudder
do i want to make a target for next week? i don’t think so.. maybe still 3k in 25 minutes? but hopefully i'd end the jog on a less painful note.
damnit. too much blogging and too little work. damnit.
anyway, according to the test, (via a blog i always read) i'm
"more bridget than not. i'm an eternal romantic, still have big pants days and have been known to obsess about my weight. but i generally manage to keep it together and would never try and snog someone after i'd been sick."
just read an article by mr brown after following the link on my friend's blog. you can find his blog here.
it's quite a funny article. maybe should start reading mr brown now.. hmm..
but if you think about it, it's really quite hard to solve the problem.
think they should consider the erp charges only for those who use orchard as a route to somewhere, as suggested by some.
and then d e m a n d more from the bloody public transport providers so as to encourage people to abandon their cars. why not provide free shuttle bus services? yes, i know, because it doesn't make economic sense. but is it fair to keep on making the public pay the price? what about the shopping centres? the retailers? or maybe just free shuttle buses during the gss so that more people will go?
damn the bloody public transport provider. everyday take money and m o r e money from me. if i've money to spare, i would drive too lor.
"provide" tvmobile when i never ask for it. d e p r i e v e me of my seat just so that tvmobile can earn money by showing me repeating ads.
you take away my seat, let others earn more money, subject me to mindless visual and audio torture, install expensive lcd tellys at your interchange when a cheaper crt one (one that was working most of the time, unlike your fancy lcd ones) was fine, and you still have the audacity to raise the price of the bus fares?!
and your frequency sucks. when you talk about last bus' timing, it's kinder to underestimate than to overestimate. and at least tell us how much we should estimate for. 5 mins? 15 mins? tell us! don't tell me it's an estimate. i know it is. i want to know how much i should estimate!
and worse, sometimes your bus drivers are damn rude! (there have been really nice ones, but there are evil black sheeps)
luckily, i live in an accessible place and thus have straight buses to many places. already, i've overblowing my transport budget. hence i'm home on a saturday. bloodsucking vampires.
i'd always found myself questioning what good design is. i'd asked my peers when i was in uni. i might have asked my professors, or maybe i'd been too shy to. can't remember.
i hardly blame myself (for being too shy) coz the people in school made me fearful of them. coz they had such strong views. while i didn't. they can justify why they feel so strongly about what they feel. but i couldn't.
and often, when they tried to explain to me. they couldn't put it in a way that simple me could understand.
but now, i think, for me good design is design that makes me go "why didn't i think of that?". it is something that resolves a problem simply and elegantly.
but i need not like all that i consider to be good design. coz i have a right to have my own taste. some days i just feel cheesy/mainstream/orbit/obiang. while some days i may just like something coz it's so minimalistically smart.
will upload some photos of this thing that i'd just bought coz of its whimsically good design. (i don't care, i think it's good.)
read in the local papers today that creative's shares has dropped approximately 50%(? i might be wrong with that stats) compared to it's hey days. ever since creative started it's war against the ipod.
well, in my worthless opinion, creative's design pales in comparison with apple.
true, you may offer lower prices, better functions, but the ipod is something with a lust factor. and the lust factor comes from the good design of the ipod, and undeniably the really effective marketing and advertising.
i feel creative needs to work on the design of their mp3 products if they want to topple apple. as apple has shown us, good design + good marketing = killer.
there are people like me who refuse to succumb to the draw of ipod, coz who? = miss cheapo. but i think i'm quite a minority.
i refuse to pay t h a t much for something that so many people owns. the exclusivity is just not there anymore.
usually i can't afford exclusivity. but in the case of ipod, i don't see any exclusivity that's worth my money.
got the title of this post and the following from here
"Yahoo is now offering unlimited music downloads at a price of US$5 a month. Music is CHEAP. So how can the RIAA, the record companies' bouncer, sue music fans and make them cough up thousands of dollars in fines? At best, the fines should be US$5 for every month the person has allegedly broken the law, whatever that is. Yahoo's new Music Unlimited service has finally answered the question of how much is an MP3 worth."
i've thought about the price of music before coz i knew of this website that offered unlimited downloads at approximately $100/year. that's like.. five cds? really quite good value for money but i can't really afford to cough up $100 at one go now. but it got me thinking.
the reason why i don't buy cds very often is coz i'm paying for things that i don't want/don't like.
i don't really care for the image artistes want to portray, nor for the mood they're trying to set, nor the trend in fashion they want to start, nor their taste in fashion. i'm only interested in the music.
i don't mind an unadorned cd with lyrics only (as in seriously just lyrics and credits. dun even need color printing, pictures, photos..) if it's cheap.
example, i like some of f.i.r.'s songs, but i hate the way the leader of the group expresses himself as he plays his instrument. whipping his head and body around. wearing sunglasses all the time.
sorry, but it gets on my nerves.
but if their songs are nice enough, i won't mind buying the mp3 format. (provided it's cheap enough. i am a cheapo.) too bad i dislike them more than i like their songs.
the mp3s that i won't mind paying for are hard to find. partly coz i've got tons of criteria to meet. budget, appearance, behaviour, image you portray in the media, the music and probably more.
yup, who? = miss picky.
in order for me to cough up money willingly, i guess i got to see less extravagance on the part of the "successful" artistes. i buay song coughing up money to pay for 400 threadcount bedsheets (exaggerated example).
but most importantly i guess it really boils down to how i much i like the music. can i afford to pay for the music and still have money to buy food/toiletries/books/other stuff?
who? = miss cheapo
sigh, it's damn difficult to get me to part with my money. well, i don't have a lot in the first place. too bad.
just watched lost and one tree hill. i recognised a character in lost! (besides pippin? and the party of five guy. matthew fox?) he was in smallville!
it gives me a great kick when i recognise characters who cross shows. it further confirms my identity as a tv junkie.
come to think of it, i haven't been blogging much about tv lately. damn you harriet!
there's so many good shows that i'm following now. like
- joey - friends (repeat telecast on cable. i love cable) - whose line is it anyway - nip/tuck (the new season, season 2 is really good. think i enjoy it more than the first) - simpsons - one tree hill (think i might start following it)
- jamie oliver shows - the nanny - kang xi lai le (Mr. Con And Ms. Csi) (really, xiao s is damn entertaining) - any documentary shows that catches my eyes. watched one about lapita? lapika? lipita? baboons the other day. and to think i thought i didn't fancy animal channel. - taiwanese entertainment shows (just saw this really really good ad which i think it part of some tw courtesy campaign. how come they can do it with such flair and we have what we have?) - mtvchinese - certain hallmark movies (just caught the sign of four the other day. nice..) - certain taiwanese serials (only when my celebrity crush is in it. but he's nowhere to be seen in my cable subscription now! withdrawal symptons..)
yes. i'm a tv junkie. and i'm proud of it. i enjoy the entertainment my telly brings me. i enjoy watching what i watch. i enjoy watching good-looking people suffering on telly. i enjoy seeing the problems i see around me reenacted by good-looking people. i enjoy wit and humour. i enjoy a good story-telling session. i enjoy seeing things i don't normally see in my mundane life. too bad i seem to be the only one i know who's so addicted to her telly. sigh.
new gum wrapper. some discoveries about chewing gum and me. chewing gum
- helps me to stay awake - gives me a false sense of satisfaction. makes me think i'm strengthening my jaws (they get so tired when i dive) and that i'm working out my chubby cheeks - can give me headaches
baileys + soya bean milk (with organic brown rice and reduced sugar) works. really. but it might taste better with unsweetened soya bean milk though. did find it a tad sweet.
but still, a healthy version of an alcoholic drink. the irony.
the "wow" is coz we don’t really talk. haven’t in fact really had a conversation in my entire life. way back in the past, he used to nag at me, thing is, he goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on.. omg
it really runs in the family eh. as one can see from the way i keep blogging about harriet. but i really think she’s like a cancerous lump in my.. soul? my mental well-being? i n e e d t o b l o g a b o u t h e r. it's kinda like chemotherapy.
let me finish up on my dad nagging at me.
think it happened when I was twelve, and i was going through the rebellious phase. he kept going on and on and on and on and on and on and on.. (you get the idea) and I spoke up to my dad. i was rude and everything. from then on, he stopped nagging at me.
and since nagging at me was the only way i remembered how any talking went between the two of us. it’s quite accurate to say that we stopped talking to each other.
i’ve no idea what i did to trigger him today to nag at me. (i mean it in a good way) i listened. hey, at least now i know why he gets pissed when i do my laundry.
i’d decided hand-washing a l l my clothes is not the way. but they think the washing machine wastes water. but i think my version of hand-washing wastes more water than the washing machine. plus it's tiring. and my hands will get coarser.
my solution – accumulate my dirty laundry and dump them in the washing machine all on one day. preferably a weekday, so he's not around to see the mess i make. which i do clean up in the end. but he's a bit picky about messiness.
anyway, my rationale is that even if i waste water, i’d only waste it once a week.
and since it’s seen as a waste of water, i thought i should try to make each wash count by washing as many items as i can each time.
but now he’s nagging that by doing so many items at one time, i’m wasting space to dry the clothes.
thing is, in my residence, we don't hang our laundry out on bamboo poles to dry them. we hang them on the window grilles. and we only have t h a t many windows. hence the problem of space to hang the wet laundry, which isn't that wet after getting spun in the washing machine for five minutes.
never understood what's wrong with bamboo poles in the past. but now.. yah, they're quite damn heavy especially with wet laundry. plus, i don't mind airing my laundry on my windows. not like there's any cute eligible bachelors in my neighbourhood who might be weirded out by this strange drying-clothes-on-every-available-window-grille. even if there are, surely they have laundry too.
and drying laundry on window grilles actually doubles up as curtains/blinds. and there's definitely no way any bird can shit on my clean laundry. it's hard work damnit. plus i think they actually help to cool down the rooms. you say poe-tae-toe i say poh-tah-toh.
argh. now i’ve got to figure it out again. the laundry mystery.
i’d listened to my dad's nag today coz it kinda felt like winning the lottery to have him nag at me, but i walked away after i figured that he was going into repeat mode. come on. i’m having a headache here. (and i blame harriet.)
well, i did acknowledge that i’d heard what he’d said with a couple of “aw.”’s and “k.”’s before i suddenly walked off.
i did listen. about the laundry and where not to park the car. it’s just that i’m having a headache.. pain. me no good with pain.
sorry, probably didn’t show it when i just walked away, i’ll show it with action k?
i wanna write about the chee ko pek* i met when i went jogging today!
was doing some stretching for warm-ups. bent over to touch my toes. was counting. heard a passer-by walk past. finish counting. un-bent straightened myself. saw the passer-by (whom i thought, from the sounds of his footsteps should be further away from me by now) looking at me (but i really think he was checking out my boobs. faint) and he smiled at me! eyes rolling uncontrollably
i know it’s coz i’m wearing a loose cut-up-and-hence-exposing-when-i-bend-over tank top. it’s comfy. and i didn’t wanna create more dirty laundry plus i’ve no money to buy an exercise top. (i’d bought meself some exercise socks today though! yippee! think, i need new shoes next. but i need a new swimming suit too. i need more money.)
anyway, i was wearing a c o m p r e s s i o n s p o r t s b r a. i'm 200% sure my boobs are well-covered-up.
i'm not particularly well-endowed. i am average in this department. what is the kick in seeing average-sized boobs under a compression sports bra? keyword here, c o m p r e s s i o n.
(and what’s this thing about my attracting old, unattractive chee ko pek’s? it’s a l w a y s the more elderly, a n d elderly-in-an-unattractive-way chee ko pek’s. don't you know by now your age is not a turn on coz you didn't age well? i thought with age came wisdom. damnit. why can’t i attract some young, dashing chee ko pek’s instead? damnit.)
ah doi! i was damn pissed off when i started my run. purposely ran away in the direction opposite to chee ko uncle's walk. luckily after a couple of minutes, i had to divert all my energy and mind power to keeping my legs moving at a constant speed (without stopping) w h i l e trying to suppress a stitch.
think it’s the amount of fluid i took before i started my jog. think i was quite well hydrated today. didn’t gulp as much water during my cooling down as i'd did the last time.
but maybe i'd hydrated myself a little too well, right after i began my jog, my well hydrated stomach started stitching.
or maybe it’s the soya bean drink and papaya i had before my jog.
i’ve a question. why is it that sometimes when i exercise my limbs will go numb? kinda pins and needley. yes. i think numb is the right word.
it’s a problem i'd had in my jc days. i was numb during quite a lot of my judo physical training sessions. not sure if it stopped later in my jc days. but after jc, i don’t exercise so much anymore. so naturally it can be confirmed to have stopped occurring.
during my jog last week, it happened again. it began during the jog, by the end of the jog, i was numb in both legs knees down (yup, my knees felt numb too). and my hands were numb too. maybe my lower arms were too. but i definitely remember it in my hands.
i had to linger about after my cooling down stretches despite my parking coupon’s expiration. i didn’t think it was safe to drive with numb hands.
i thought it might be coz i went on the jog on an empty stomach. hence the soya bean drink and papaya today. but i want to know why exactly. so i can resolve it without causing stitches.
just for the record, i did go numb again today. think it was only my hands though. again i had to linger around when my parking coupon's expired.
think my friend V is intending to go into sports medicine.. hmmm..
anyway, i’d managed to do 2.9km in 25 mins. that’s an average of 6.96km/hr. a l m o s t 7km/hr. hey! not too bad mah. next week, i must make it to 3k!
had a heavy lunch after running errands after my jog.
more culinary “insights” i’d gained today.
suspect ang gor li is red snapper. coz ang is hokkien for red mah. just asked my mom about it. she just agreed immediately when i suggested red snapper. why do i feel so dubious about her confirmation? surely we eat there are fish we eat that has a name that begins with red. no?
honey dijon mustard, lime, ginger, italian herb mix and olive oil goes ok with ang gor li. it's a little queer, but acceptable to me. i like mustard. and lime works for me most of the time. also, my mom does wet-market shopping once a week. the fish is quite a few days old. i c a n n o t stand fishy smells. that’s why i hate the bit near the guts. yuck yuck yuck. anyway, thought mustard might help cover up whatever fishy smell the fish might have grown developed during its stay in our freezer
i a m a klutz with knives. sliced off a sliver of the skin on my right index finger today. scraped off a teeny bit of the nail too. what's it with knives and my right index finger anyway?
kena cut on the same finger again. only broke a tiny capillary? vein? but i sliced off that "much" skin. it's kinda like a pond of blood
so, question: is it better for a klutz like me to use a sharp knife or a somewhat blunt one? i feel that our knife is blunt. that's why it slipped with i was trying to cut the freaking lime. in fact, it slips on me quite a bit. but if it's sharper, i seriously wonder if i'd still have my fingertip now. so tell me if you know!
*google singlish dictionary to get definition courtesey of talkingcock.com
today (i really mean wednesday), i met AL. i'd never considered AL my friend coz of a misunderstanding that goes way back.
i got to know AL when i first started working at bs cafe. we were from the same batch of trainees. but, due to some misunderstanding, my narrow-mindedness then (well, i'd like to think that i'm less narrow-minded today. but nevertheless, i can be even less) and the "encouragement" of some others, i'd reached a conclusion that i disliked AL.
and since i dislike her, i didn't have any contact with her as much as possible coz i've a thing about being nice to people i dislike. i just can't pretend to be nice to someone when i dislike that someone. and i don't want to be nasty to her. i see pretension as a waste of my energy and too damn hypocritical.
was pretty dumb of me. and that was always the case until today.
it's been quite a while since i last saw her.
today, she spotted me while i was at a shopping centre. and we started talking. and it was different coz i kinda forgot that i disliked her in the past. and she was just so.. friendly towards me despite how i'd treated her in the past (treating her as invisible lady) that i just kinda opened up to her.
in the sense that i'd actually let myself interact with her and get to know her.
she'd probably pissed me off in the past coz of her tactlessness. and coz i had no tolerance for her tactlessness. she's actually quite a nice person. despite her accent, her tactlessness. her difference from me.
anyway, if you (AL) ever get to read this, which is probably a really minute possibility, it was really nice talking to you. i really enjoyed myself. thanks.
we talked about me and very little about her coz when we talked about me, we drifted to the subject of harriet. and basically we talked a l o t about harriet. i don't really see it as bitching coz (at least on my part) there wasn't much anger. it was more of a analytical talk. ok lah, call it bitching if you really want.
true, harriet deserves pity for her personal problems. but we all have problems. some of us just choose to share them with only selected people. and it turns out that harriet is selective afterall, but her selection criteria is a little rather lenient.
another thing, it's probably more accurate to say that harriet is clique-ish rather than say she labels us as oldtimers/newcomers. it's more like either you're in her clique, or you're not.
the talk with AL sparked off an idea for me.
m a y b e, harriet was trying to get me to show concern for her when she told me little nuggets of her problems. m a y b e she was trying to let me into her clique.
but i chose not to probe. and so m a y b e, it reaffirms the fact (for her) that i'm not in her clique. i obviously don't even try to be in it.
but as i reiterate again and again, *i* don't like people to probe when *i* have problems. unless you're someone i'm quite close to. or someone i'm willing to be close to. it's just the way i deal with problems. and i didn't understand then that that was not the way with her. i'm sorry, but i was stupid then.
harriet didn't tell AL about her problems when AL asked her about them (obviously AL's not like me). AL didn't work as frequently with harriet as me. so maybe harriet only tells her problems to tom and dick but not harry. and to harriet, i had the chance to not be harry (but now i'm pretty sure i am). how the fuck was i to know?! she'd always made me feel like harry.
ok, just in case anyone's lost here. tom, dick & harry are all not part of her clique. but tom and dick could be in the clique if they did the right thing. which they did. so they're somewhat in her clique. but even in her clique there's still a division. there's the i'll -cover-whatever-shit-you-give-me "privileged ones" and there's tom-and-dick. BUT this is all merely speculation on my part. i can't read harriet's mind. but, from the nuggets of information i have, this is my guess.
lesson here: don't try hint to who?who? can be seen as someone with unfunctional senses. hints don't work with who? even flashing neon billboards may not work on some days. (yes, i like to refer to myself in the third person.)
anyway, harriet never made me feel like i was part of her clique, how was i to know working with her (but not really interacting with her) was to make me eligible for her clique? frankly speaking, i don't really give a damn about being in your clique.
conclusion - harriet is clique-ish.
and that is precisely why i question her ability as a honcho of the cafe. and the responsibilities of a honcho is not merely making sure the cafe runs smoothly. it's also about the staff. it's about getting their respect. it's about getting the staff to work together as a team. its about maximising the personal strength of each individual staff and developing them in areas they're not so good at so that they can contribute more to the cafe. the people are important.
but harriet is horrible with people.
she forms cliques. (that's not what a honcho does!) and she's damn blatant about it. she's damn freaking downright rude and nasty to the staff who are not part of her clique. in fact, i've noticed her revealing some fraction of her nastiness to customers even. (that's not what a honcho does!) customers!
once, she was actually pissed off with a customer whom i was dealing with. (that's not what a honcho does!) if anybody should be pissed with said customer, it should have been me really. but i was not. but i could sense from her tone when she spoke to the customer that she was pissed. yes, who? sensed something (despite having unfunctional senses). wonder what's the chances of the customer not sensing it.
how could you be rude to the customer?? (that's not what a honcho does!) you're the freaking honcho for heck's sake. argh, please kill me. you're just not setting an example for your staff. (that's not what a honcho does!)
her rudeness to customers had actually triggered me to attempt to make conversation with the customers. it's difficult for me coz i'm an anal-retentive, reserved chinese. not trying to be racist, but chinese, well, singaporean chinese tend to be more reserved. what more, *i*'m anal-retentive! shudder two years plus in the cafe, and it was the first time i'd reallymade effort forced myself to make conversation with the customers. and i must say, it's quite nice. i learn new things. somewhat get to know more people. they can be really interesting people. i digress.
harriet's personal skills suck. it may be her character, her personality, but as a honcho, i really think she sucks. a honcho deals with people. a ideal honcho should have great personal skills. but harriet. you're really beyond words. i feel like i'm back in primary school.
having personal problems is one thing. having poor personal skills is another. pity can only get you this far.
i don't think harriet qualifies to be a honcho. in my eyes, she's really killing the cafe.
she found solace from her personal problems in religion. but her embrace of religion (let's call it religion h, after harriet) just further confirms my doubts about religion h.
providing a omni-answer to her personal problems does not make her a better person if she doesn't realise that she has other problems (namely her lack of personal skills).
i keep attacking her lack of personal skills when i lack them too. but at least i know i lack them. and i believe that being able to acknowledge the problem, is a beginning to (hopefully) the resolution of the problem.
true, religion has calmed her down. she no longer snaps at us as often. but does she really thinks it's her omni-solution? does she really believes that it makes her a better person? i'm sorry, but i can't help but cringe when i see how she peppers her blog with her religious words.
i still think she's a lousy honcho. another example of her inadequacy, she fired AL without informing her (as i'd found out today, the following tale is from AL).
according to AL, she had informed harriet that she won't be able to work coz of her exams. AL had even informed the relevant honcho-kia* (yup, i'm inventing new terminologies again) who's in charge of the schedule, about her exams.
one day, AL received a text message on her phone (from honcho-kia) informing her that if she didn't work, she would be fired. she informed the honcho-kia about her exams. and since she'd told harriet earlier on, she thought it was ok. afterall what's an underpaying part-time job compared to your education?
when AL finished her exams, she came back to the cafe to put in her request for the schedule. harriet stopped her and told her that she had terminated AL. it was the first time AL had heard that she was terminated. and when AL wanted to go into the backroom, harriet asked her why she still wanted to go in (i've already terminated you. you don't need to put schedule). and all AL wanted to do was to retrieve her shoes. harriet! you are.. being so xiao ren!
i believe some of the other staff would know this. so how can you still pity harriet?! pity is one thing. doing a shit job is another. i don't think harriet has terminated a l l the staff who weren't putting enough shifts. i'm still around. and i suspect there are others who'd escaped the axe.
but the others are in harriet's clique. i'm not. i'm a harry when she's having a bad patch. either that or i'm still not harry enough for her to sack me yet.
she's so inadequate as a honcho that it's killing me. harriet, you're one freaking nightmare that i've yet to awaken from. sic
*kia: hokkien for kid. check the singlish dictionary if you still don't get it. look for k.l.k., keng chio kia, kopi kia, pai kia..
today (i mean wednesday), i went for my second slimming session.
first of all, i'd get a massage that's supposed to help clear & unblock my lymphatic system. then i get electrocuted. and finally, we wrap up the session by using this strange vibrating machine.
i don't really get the vibrating machine. to tackle your fat arms, you place them on this vibrating plate and let them vibrate. to tackle your fat legs/butt/tummy, you stand on the same vibrating plate and adopt different postures to tackle different bits, and basically let the machine vibrate your desired bits.
it is a strange machine.
it seems that i don't get the same therapist each time. today's therapist, let's call her T3 (my third therapist so far) started the session with me in doubt. she looked unfriendly at first glance. one 2nd glance, she was friendlier, but she had this hurried thing.
when she started the massage, i was thinking to myself "are you massaging me or touching me?"
she wasn't using her strength throughout the entire massage session. but she definitely showed that she's not a weakling for at least 70% of the time.
she was tougher on my left arm, shoulders and back while she "slacked" for the right bits. i use "slacked" coz she was equally tough on both my legs. kinda made me wonder if the my left upper body is really that much flabbier than my right. it wouldn't be a surprise since i'm a right-hander. suspicion..
she'd mentioned to me that i did lose weight (they weigh me before the beginning of each session). and i went "but i spent so much money"
"yah, but some people spend thousands and yet they still don't lose weight"
yes, but, half a grand to me is,
- a dive trip OR - nearly two months of pay aka money for food, transport, and entertainment OR - two and a half months of installation (to pay back my uni fees)
half a grand is not exact dispensable cash to me. it's not really surprising that i would really try to work with the slimming centre by trying to control my diet (have been telling my mother for two straight days "no carbos at night!" even though she doesn't know about my joining a slimming centre) and exercising. well, exercising has other benefits too. like perhaps i might have be able to have better control of my lungs, so i can stay longer underwater when i dive..
then i had my electrocution. and i managed to tahan a higher power setting! yes!
well, it's cause for elation coz, despite that i a m losing weight, it's at a damn slow rate. i only have six sessions. i don't think i will sign up for more (hey, other centres are offering lower prices! damnit) plus i'm financially strapped. i gotta try to make my money work.
controlling diets is a damn difficult thing for me. i love my sweet stuffs. and i just met deep fried stuff!
exercising's hard when your nose is still jogging after 10 days. so stronger electrocution is the only other way to go.
but really, today it wasn't that unbearable. in fact, we've even tackled my arms. and to think i was starting to pick on them..
but seriously, think my poor body's getting used to the electrocution.
and to go back to the topic of T3. in a way, she's kinda scary in that she's so damn efficient. think she might be the speedy gonzales there (hence the hurried feel i get from her). example, she's really fast at attaching electrocuting equipment and removing them. she was quite hurried during the lymphatic massage too.
she doesn't really fuss over me, but i think she's doing her job well enough for me. (i want results! results! results!)
true, her strength seems to come and go, but she'd bothered to adjust the electrocuting equipment when i mentioned some discomfort.
true, the drink she brought me at the end of the session was just water with lemon (previous therapists prepared me some strange tea). but she brought it for me when i was s t i l l on the weird vibrating machine. not only so, she'd booked me my next appointment, while i was on the machine!
it would appear to me that for her, the customer's time is of utmost importance. and i get it. and i appreciate it. but it does mean that i don't really dare to ask you about how the machines work.. but really,
why i still bear a grudge against harriet the honcho
decided to give the honcho a name, it's easier to write about her this way. the misunderstanding between harriet and me began way back when she returned to run my cafe.
i've worked long enough in the cafe to be seen as a old-timer by most of the staff. however harriet never seemed to see me as such. my speculation is that it's coz i've always been a rather reserved person. i never got the chance to warm up to her or to show her how i don't suck at my job.
also, i started working in the cafe some time after harriet left my cafe. so in her eyes, i'm not exactly an old-timer coz i don't hail from her period of stay.
i've always felt a little left out coz harriet treated me like one of the newcomers. yup, there is a difference between the way she treated her old-timers & her newcomers.
in the earlier part of the year, harriet had some personal problems in her life. this led to problems in her work. for example, instead of working, she would be sharing her problems to whomever showed enough concern to ask her how she was when she really should be working.
that pissed me off. naturally.
the last straw for me was when her personal problems affected the way she treated her staff, in particular, me.
she was pulling all sorts of bullshitting stunts. but the oldtimers soon wised up to it and kinda showed it. however, the newcomers were still the subject of her bullshit.
example of her bullshit, she was snapping at the newcomers. pushing them around like they're her little personal slaves. as a onlooker, i felt sorry for the newcomers, even those whom i didn't particularly fancy.
i refused to take her shit coz i've been around long enough to know that i don't deserve it. but i guess she didn't really register the fact that i see myself as an old-timer and that i can see through her bullshit. she kinda treated me like a newcomer every now and then. snapping at me for no rhyme or reason.
i guess it's also partly coz i didn't really show concern for her by asking her how she was. but could you blame me? she would pour her troubles to anyone who asked her about them. but i'm not the type to probe. not when you're not someone close to me.
we're just different.
once she was so overwhelmed by her personal problems that she treated me with so little thought, that it finally did it.
all throughout that time, she'd been treating me like a staff that she can't really trust, a kah kia to bully coz her life was a mess. and all of her sudden, she dumped what ought to be her responsibility on me. without even informing me (that she was pulling a stunt).
that really made me feel like a lowly paid barista. in fact, it made me feel less than that. i felt like a lowly paid bastard or something. and she never realised how bloody pissed off i was. i'm working for shit pay. but it's coz i enjoyed the work. not because i enjoy taking shit from her.
you don't fucking not see and treat someone as an old-timer and in a split second, decide to shrug your responsibility on said someone.
K said that even A pities harriet now. (A used to be someone i would complain with about harriet) thing is,
- i only found out more about harriet's personal problems recently. coz i am really not that kay poh a person. and upon further understanding her woes, i did feel sorry for her. until two days ago. - harriet never made A feel as used, and worthless as she had made me feel. coz A is a "true" oldtimer to her.
so don't compare me with A. i can't let go of my angry feelings towards her coz she's gone too far with me.
actually i had kinda started sympathising with her after getting some insight into her problems. albeit, not through her.
but i haven't had the chance to interact with her yet. (i think i emit i-hate-you-and-i-don't-fucking-respect-you vibes whenever i've to come into contact with her before gaining some understanding towards her problems. i can't help it. you screwed in a way you really shouldn't) i seriously don't really have a grudge against her anymore after learning more. however, i called the cafe two days ago to check my working schedule for this week. i couldn't tell who picked up the call coz we've a tendency to answer the call with this: morning/afternoonbscafexxxspeakinghowcanihelp. and we say it in a freaking fast way. usually with my poor hearing, i can't tell who has picked up my call. i identified myself to the person who answered the call and requested for my schedule. immediately, upon hearing who i was, the person of the other end spoke to me in a curt manner "call back later" and i knew harriet had picked up my call. true, i haven't been putting in enough shifts. and i put up a really bad show at attempting to pretend i still have a sliver of respect for harriet. but at least i try. where are your manners? and the thing was, i wasn't even emitting the i-hate-you-and-i-don't-fucking-respect-you vibes coz i couldn't tell it was harriet who'd picked up my call. you spoke too fast. as usual. they don't understand why i don't put in enough shifts coz they see me as someone without any other commitments. well, i do have another part time job. which pays more. and where i don't have a crazy honcho who cannot treat me with the basic decency any human being should and could deserve. i have something else that i'm working on. i shall not elaborate coz i've been using it as an excuse for too long. not like anyone's gonna believe me now when it's really valid. that's why i try to not bring attention to this specific thing that's taking up my time. i d o n o t w a n t t o j i n x i t f u r t h e r. i can't help it if i tend to keep things to myself. i'm not harriet. so, i don't care if i'm being a xiao ren. i can justify my actions to myself. and that's really all that matters to me.
some background information first. i'm a graduate who's currently holding two part-time jobs. both of which have no relation to what i majored in. why i am part-timing, earning peanut skins is another long-winded story.
pt job one: pt barista at a multinational coffee chain pt job two: data entry at a small firm.
the title of this part of the blog refers to my first pt employer.
i haven't been putting enough shifts on a weekly basis. i've to acknowledge, i'm at fault. the reason is really coz, my pt job two pays me a slightly higher hourly pay. the work at ptj2 is less tiring physically (but more brain numbing). frankly speaking, i'm only holding on to ptj1 coz i see it as a safety blanket.
but seriously, management in my store sucks. the honcho of my store has seriously pissed me off in the past. true, there were problems in the honcho's personal life, but as a honcho, i'd expect you to set an example and not bullshit a lowly paid part-timer.
the honcho had screwed me in ways that still makes my blood boil as i think about it. i have to admit, i'm not a maganimous person, i still hold a grudge against the honcho. but seriously, that's why i'm a lowly paid part-timer but why are you a honcho? heaven sake's you have poor phone manners! or maybe it's only coz you're speaking to a lowly paid part timer who has no interest in your whining. hmmm. maybe.
today's work started out pretty crappy. the store was left in a mess coz it was run by staff from other chain stores coz most of my store staff went for an outing. i gave it a miss coz my nose still runs. there was a store meeting. and during the meeting, it was mentioned that:
- they want to cut down the labour for our store (yes, one of the top three busiest store in the chain in our country) - they want us to improve on the cleanliness and service (coz apparently we've been doing quite badly when the mystery shopper visits)
do i see someone slapping her own face? could it be that cleanliness and service fail to reach the standard because we have insufficient labour? not to mention a store that is falling apart due to old age. we have blenders which electrocute the staff. recurring mosquito problems, not to mention the occasional breakdown of the various machines like the espresso machine, the ice machine, the dishwasher..
i punched out an hour earlier than usual today. but i was late by nearly two hours on the new labour deployment chart. however, i couldn't leave the hellhole coz
- another staff had to punch out when i did coz of the labour cut - a staff misread his punch-in time and was not here yet - the manager was too short-staffed to close my till
in the end, i waited an hour there just so the manager could find time to close my till (actually, think i kinda pressured her but dropping subtle hints like, "i'll leave my till card with you in case i forget.." poor girl.). the hour which usually i would be working my ass off, yet instead, i had to waste my youth sitting there coz the freaking company wants to cut labour for what fucking reason? (maybe i would know if i was at the store outing. but too bad)
fuck them. fuck them. i've never cursed so much in a day before. we work our asses off for peanut skins. some times i wonder if peanut skins are even worth that little. and they still do shit like this? the management just passes down any old decision without considering the repercussions it may have on the staff.
oh, and they've also decided that all full-timers are to work BOTH fridays and saturdays from now on. thank bloody gosh i'm a lowly paid part-timer.
on a more pleasant note, cooked some fish for myself tonight.
i asked my mom the other day, why is it that she never gets the fishmonger to fillet the fish she buys. little-miss-won't-eat-or-cook-anything-too-troublesome-to-handle-eg-meat-that-includes- chicken-and-fish-with-bones-or-skin-or-fat here simply cannot register the sight of unfilleted, uncooked meats as potential food.
cooked stuff belongs to a slightly different category. depending on my degree of hunger, my liking for the specific dish in question, i might choose to eat it. for example, chicken wings. i can't really bring myself to eat the skin. there's quite a large proportion of uneatable bits, namely bones and skin. so it's really difficult for me to get excited by chicken wings.
anyway, she's gotten the fishmonger to fillet fish for me this week! the fish is called ang goh li. hokkien name for the fish? no idea what it really is. and i threw it into the oven with:
- extra virgin olive oil - dried italian herbs (from a mix) - japanese dried chilli powder mix (with sesame seeds and tons of other stuff) - slivers of ginger - squeeze of over-ripe lime (juice) - loads of pepper - rather generous dash of salt
i thought it might end up rather strange since ginger, jap chilli mix are quite asian, while olive oil and italian herb mix is rather western. but it was really pretty good!
maybe this is fate telling me i've to scoot off my butt and find a job that i want. getting this pissed over such little monetary incentives is not worth it. i'm so tired of getting pissed with all their bullshit.
wonder if it's the stupid cold that's making me so uber sleepy the whole time. just the other day, i slept for six hours after coming home from work, woke up and remained conscious for 3 hours or less (coz i was hungry and really needed some food) and went back to sleep for another 6-7 hours. roll eyes.
likewise today, i slept a gadzillion hours. and slacked the rest of my waking hours which were pretty hazy despite being awake.
coz i slept so much, i actually had 3 dreams. usually i don't remember my dreams. but i actually remember three today. two of them involved diving. the first one was about snorkeling/diving (hazy..) remembered some in the water "footage". and giant open drainage systems. and rails. it was almost like a water park ride.
the second one was really scary. my dad n i were at home. and it was under some attack. there were bomber planes. and i was on the phone with someone whom i didn't know. sg was being attacked by.. cn? was really really warlike. shudder
and the third dream, was me preparing to go for a dive. but when i checked my bcd, it was leaking like mad. and j didn't believe me. but when he saw i was telling the truth, he sentenced the bcd to the bin and i was like "huh? cannot fix meh" and i was a bit upset that i've wasted so much air testing the leaky bcd.
i've no idea what my dreams mean. but i guess i really wanna dive again. so cadding must be resumed despite the cold and sleepiness i feel. on with cadding!
scheiße. suspect i might be getting sicker. now my throat is feeling a little scratchy. the nose is getting better, for now though. but feeling a little light-headed. i've already had breakfast a n d t h r e e slices of papaya. it's damn healthy lah. why am i feeling like i'm going into a different phase of this bug/bacteria/virus? i should be getting better damnit.
thought i saw a suspect who could be cute boy this morning. he's a suspect coz i could only visually stalk him from behind today. No chance of seeing his face upfront. only managed a partial side view. so unless i wanted to risk looking like a stalker there really wasn't any way i could get a proper glimpse of suspect.
he had somewhat similar hair as cute boy. Messier than yesterday though.
Wore specs like cute boy did. looked shorter than i'd imagined. shoulders looked smaller too.
was he cute boy? thought cute boy was cuter (than suspect)? or do i don't remember how cute boy looks like after one night?
was waiting at the busstop opposite paterson edge later this morning. was having quite a nice time gazing into the uncurtained units. love the glass facade of the building.
think it's the third time i actually see a live person in one of the units. i love staring into these overpriced living quarters. i'd missed my bus once coz i was too engrossed peering into other people's homes.
made me wonder if we're living in some humanarium. if we're being observed by a higher order being. like the way i was observing the residents of pe.
and while i was thinking away, i collected four (or more) mosquito bites on my arms. damnit.
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should i get a mp3 player? i'm quite broke. but the pc fair's here. and i don't remember what price i want to wait for the player to drop to. damnit, i a m senile.
but read some interesting stuff while pondering about whether i should get a player.
mp3 player buying guide - thought the bit about how mp3s work is quite interesting. a bit cheem for me. but, think i get a shadow of the gist of how it works. was feeling a little light-headed to try to make sense of it.
maybe the bug/bacteria/virus is the higher order creature's way of toying with me.
maybe it's trying to see if my desire for a mp3 player will spur me on to visit the pc fair despite my less than optimal physical condition. i was down with a bad sore throat during the IT fair too. visiting the IT fair turned things for the worse i think. it certainly didn't help when some asshole decided to hack into the back of my head as a demonstration to his girlfriend as to what he would do if others decided to squeeze him. there was definitely movement in my hair, no thanks to germs-infested air from his lungs.
well jerk, you're not the only one who's trying to get value for money. you're also partly to blame for the incredible crowd of human beings thronging suntec city. you're not the only one who's sick, there was t h a t many people there. don't you think someone out there might be nursing a cold too? coughing into the crowd is a sick sick thing to do. i'm surprised your girlfriend didn't pinch you. maybe you two do deserved each other. you were, and probably still are, one sick sick bastard asshole.
anyway, maybe something is trying to tell me something.
maybe.
damnit. can't you tell me in some other way. a bug/bacteria/virus is a bad way to tell anything. it's not even clear at telling me whatever it's trying to tell me.
so am i supposed to feel good that i managed to conquer it all by going to the fair and buying the player despite feeling like shit or am i supposed to rest at home and recover and be glad that i stayed home?
or maybe i should be sleeping rather than blogging. hmmm.
and being sick makes me hungrier than usual. damnit.
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like this song quite a bit. lovely melody. i'm a melody person. had to check the lyrics online to know what the lyrics' about.
lead singer's voice is quite heart-wrenching. just checked out the lyrics. eyes open. hmmm..
Eve, The Apple Of My Eye - Bell X1
You left it, I sent it I want it back You left it, I sent it I want it back
If I had you here, I'd clip your wings Snap you up and leave you sprawling on my pin This plan of mine is oh so very lame Can't you see the grass is greener where it rains
You left, I died, I went and you cried You came, I think But I never really know I've served my time I've watched you climb The wrong incline But what do I know
Accept it, Don't let it Turn the screw Accept it, And let it Scream back at you
Now this applies both equally to you and I The only thing we share Is the same sky These empty metaphors They're all in vain Like can't you see the grass is greener where it rains
In the garden Snake was a charmin' And Eve said let's give it a try Now lead us not into temptation But no matter how hard I try When in the garden and Snake is a charmin' And Eve says let's give it a try Eve is the apple of my eye
And I lie behind you And a cradle you in the palm of me And I pat your hair down I think will we sink or swim? 'Cause we could do either on a whim
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should i go out for dinner with some friends? think my chinese horoscope advised that i d o meet up with friends today. was thinking "hmmm. sounds like advice for me. (coz i've a tendency to stay at home even when people ask me out. which isn't frequent in the first place.) but nobody had asked me out. aiyah. crap"
and now. some people are asking me out. and frankly speaking, that's the only reason for me to go. coz my horoscope says so.
i would go on any other day cept today i really feel that going home to rest sounds really really really good at this moment. hopefully i can recover and maybe manage some cadding tonight or at least this weekend. i've cadded so little this week. damnit.
plus i'm broke. only have.. ten bucks left for this week.
my dinner last night? earlier on. presenting the first course, a simple salad made with somewhat fresh lettuce, somewhat fresh carrot, some very not fresh mini thai tomatoes and a very fresh not-very-japanese japanese cucumber; lightly dressed with a homemade red wine vinegar dressing. absolument délicieux, non?
course one
and now, on to the second course. a serving of silk toufu delicately steamed with ginger slices, a dash of soya sauce and a light sprinkle of sesame oil.
course two
sounds very healthy doesn't it? well, it's fast. took me less than fifteen minutes to prepare everything. just in time for friends. the repeat telecast on cable.
but then i got damn uncomfortable. was feeling all sticky and.. uncomfy. think it's either the heat or the bleedy humidity. ended up taking a second shower of the day. and ended my "healthy" dinner with
i don't get it. why is it that cartoon-ified squirrels look so much cuter than the real thing? compared to a lot more other animals that get cartoon-ified. (there's probably a word for this. sorry. limited vocab) rabbits. birds. bears even.
everytime i see a real life squirrel or a photo of one, i get so disappointed. chip and dale looked so much more adorable.
i saw a cute boy today! shudder. the thrill of it. it's been so long.
technically speaking i'd only caught two glimpses of him.
i was at the market near my place after a most torturous jog that was a mere 2400m. i know i'm not the fittest person around. thought i'll go check out the veggie stall if it was still open before grabbing some lunch and perhaps some muffins.
the first glimpse of him was when we walked by each other near the market, each of us moving in a different direction. so it was really a glimpse. and i just thought, "hmm. quite cute."
later i was queuing up for muffins. there's this stall which sells muffins that are well reviewed in several local papers. they're really pretty good. even after i warm them up in the microwave a f t e r i leave them in the fridge for heaven knows how long (strictly not recommended for other humans. i have a pretty good tolerance to food that's been refridgerated for a while.) thought my brother wouldn't mind some free food either.
as usual, the queue took nearly forever as some gila people buy them by.. the dozens? shudder. what's up with all these people. i almost feel embarassed for buying merely t w o muffins.
as i was waiting patiently to buy t w o muffins, the cute boy (and i suspect his brother) cut across the queue by the space between me and the guy in front of me. i like to keep a safe distance from nearly anyone. my comfort zone is actually quite a distance from me. hence, i tend to (nearly) always provide the best route to cut across a queue that i'm in.
what went through my head then, "hey! cute boy again! hmmm.." and i visually followed him as he walked away. think my visual stalk caught the attention of the auntie behind me. from the corner of my eye, i thought i saw her looking in the direction of the cute boy. i suspect it's coz she was wondering what had caught *my* eyes. damnit was i that obvious? maybe i was hallucinating about her.. well anyway, thank goodness the cute boy couldn't feel my stare.
my "analysis" of the cute boy from the two glimpses:
- he lives in my estate_coz he was wearing a somewhat faded school tee-shirt, shorts and slippers (i think. he disappeared from my view when i got somewhere near the butt.)
from years of experience, it would seem that people usually visit places near their actual residence (maybe.. within a 5km radius?) in somewhat respectable homewear (aka the most comfy, shabby but not t o o shabby clothes ie clothes free from holes and what nots. most probably the least worn-out thing usually worn at home.
this usually includes old school pe wear. for some reason, they're just too damn comfy. heck, i still have my secondary school pe shorts around)
ok, maybe i generalise, at least that's what *i* practise. it would seem that being shabby near my actual residence doesn't matter to me. you can spot me in anything from faded shorts (today's shorts even has a hole. somewhere.) to cut-up tee-shirts. things that you won't find me wearing anywhere further than 2.5km away from my place.
- he's from acs (i). or someone in his family is_his tee-shirt says so.
- he's probably younger than me. he might even *still* be in acs (i)!_see point before
- he could be a swimmer_coz i noticed his dreamy shoulders. slurp. i've a thing for shoulders. broad and straight shoulders are the only way to go. and he has a really tiny waist!! and practically no butt! conclusion: prob swimmer coz of the shoulders
i kinda want his waist. hey.. it looks like a 20 inch when you take it in with the shoulders. but his butt.. no thanks. i figured that a not too small butt will give the illusion that one has a waist.
hee.. wonder if i'll see him again. sigh. he makes me feel so paedophillic. but still, to know that there's such a cute boy in my neighbourhood really made my day. what more, he doesn't look like some beng kia.. drool..
I’ve no idea if I’ll ever post this up. I still wanna document it coz. I think it’s rather amusing.
it all started with a seemingly harmless voucher my bank sent me for being a d bank m debit card holder.
for thirty dollars, you can get either a facial, a slimming session or a relaxing massage session.
since I’m fat. yes, I am. I’ve two tummies. an upper one and a lower one. t w o. humongous thighs and a rather large butt. yes, I consider myself fat.
I wear size L (and even XL at times) despite only charting a height of 1600mm. sometimes I make the mistake of buying clothes in size M only to realise later that I’m really effectively buying something that I’d refuse to wear unless I was particularly dehydrated or for some bizarre reason, feeling less fat on that particular day because I don’t want to disgust the world with my fatness.
yup. I chose the slimming (trial) session.
after the first session, which took place last week. I was “conned” into forking out slightly over half a grand for six sessions, and they’ll give me the first trial session “free”. hey, they even threw in a nutritional bar!
I felt rather conned later that night for letting myself get talked into the whole thing. it’s nearly two months worth of pay! but then again, I only have myself to blame for working so little days each month and thus earning so little.
but then again, I do want to look good for once in my life. I do want to be able to wear a bikini without shame. damnit I don’t want to be slim when I’m older (and hopefully more financially stable, thus somewhat justifying my patronage of a slimming centre and busting precious moolah to get rid of fats). I want to be slim when I’m young. and who knows, maybe slimming centres do work.
it seems to be working so far. I have to control my diet too. I guess that fact that I’m busting so much cash on it makes me more conscientious in sticking to a diet. which is really not much of a diet.
basically I can eat plenty of veggies + proteins any time of the day. which is pretty easy to adhere to.
I should eat moderate amount of carbohydrates. but o n l y in the day. a bit tough since a typical singaporean (living in sg)’s diet is brimming with carbos.
I should avoid deep-fried stuff (just when I discovered how yummy old chang kee is! damnit) and sugary stuff (like chocolate. sniff. ice cream. sniff).
I can eat plenty of veggies when I cook for myself. veggies are just easier to handle than meats. i'm really quite clumsy with a knife. managed to slice off one quarter of my (index) fingernail once when i was chopping something last year. shudder
I can avoid too much carbo, stuffing myself with veggies n water helps. and thinking of carbos as eviler than moi things helps too.
I'll try to cut down on deep-fried stuff n sugary stuff. a couple of times a week should be ok I guess.. (yup, i definitely succumb last weekend, you'll see as you read on) depriving myself entirely will drive me crazy (as lotsa magazines tell me so)
maybe the weight I’ve lost so far is really coz I’m forcing myself to eat sensibly. hey I’m spending a damn hell lot of money lah. I can dive with that money k. i must try to make this whole hullabaloo work. at least i must try to work with it.
and today I went for my first official session (quite similar to the trial session). it’s quite torturous really. haven’t really figured out how the machine works. but it seems to be electrocuting me. pulling my fatty skin tight. sending me into spasms for twenty minutes. will talk more about this if/when I get comfortable enough to ask the therapist how it all works.
I swear, if an alien is to see me lying on that bed, going into spasms, it would probably think I’m being tortured for some top secret intelligence.
but still, I’ve lost some weight despite sneaking in some chocolates and a beer float* between the sessions.. hee..
so yes, I am a customer of a slimming centre. yes. you heard it right. s l i m m i n g c e n t r e. ah, the stigma of that.
*beer float – something I saw on dta. it’s basically a root beer float without the root. ie vanilla ice-cream on beer. well, the guy placed the ice-cream in the glass before throwing in the beer. the people in the show made it sound s o o o o o o o o o o o yummy, and since there wasice-cream & beer in the fridge, I tried it. it’s not bad.
this is a photo of the object of my heart's desire. i love you i love you i love you
