whatever

Saturday, July 08, 2006

tired tired tired

decided to toss some frozen food into the oven when i got home tonight to compensate for the rather icky day i had at work.

foraged the freezer compartment and found this.


i was like "huh?" 素肉菜饺子? 到底是素的饺子, 菜饺子, 还是肉的饺子? 难不成是素肉+ 菜的饺子??

(literal translation: [label] vegetarian meat vegetable dumpling
[thoughts in my demented head] vegetarian meat vegetable dumpling? so is it a vegetarian dumpling? a veggies dumpling? a meat dumpling? or is it perhaps a mock meat + veggies dumpling??)

and so i looked at the ingredients list


nb bloody eff-ers. it's a effing vegetarian dumpling lor.

stupid mistake for an irritated person to spot.

* * * * *

what is expected of an intern?

today was another one of those days where i felt so freaking du lan that i wished i smoked.

coz maybe then i would feel better. maybe, by blackening my lungs and shortening my lifespan i might spare myself of some agony.


i was given the task to do the interiors of the lift lobbies of this china-based project.

lift lobbies. doesn't sound impressive. but if you think about it, it's a space that people use almost everyday. and it's a space that's used by quite a lot of people.

thing is, this project has fifteen? (thereabouts, too many for me to rememer the exact number) lift lobbies. and most of them differ by a little bit. some have diff width, or diff length, some have a kink in the floor plan all of a sudden..

was given the task last week. so i've been working on it for two weeks.

to work on fifteen lift lobbies is a little crazy given that we have to
  • come up with the layout
  • come up with the elevations
  • choose the furniture, finishes like carpet, wallpaper, wall treatments, lighting..
  • and color the drawings
in the span of three weeks.

so i'm doing the layout for eight lobbies and pulling elevations for four of them. so far, maybe 2.2 elevations are out. and they're still subjected to changes if the interior designer decides that the plans need to be amended (high possibility). and i've a total of eleven elevations to pull.

how am i going to render the drawings when the drawings are not out? (next week's scheduled for rendering)

i've never done interiors before. never really learnt it in school. i'm as green as they can come. yet i'm given this rather demanding task (for a effing intern).

because i really don't know what shit i'm doing, and there's only one interior designer around, can you blame me for going to her for advice?

was feeling rather stressed today coz the deadline was slowly but surely making its existence feltas time slips by.

usually i would consult the interior designer at least a couple of times a day, just to get some direction of where i should be heading, some hints of what i should be producing.

despite all my consultation with her, i still can't produce what she wants. today, i was just trying to come up with something maybe try to meet the schedule i've somewhat set for myself.

happened to spot her after lunch, and i just asked her one simple effing question.

how does the effing catalogue you asked me to refer to look like. (there's like 5-6 shelves worth of potential catalogues i'd have to sift through if i only knew the effing name that she gave me. which happened to be wrong btw)

and she tried to brush me off by saying jokingly "i'm not available to answer any questions today. i'm not available. i'm doing something with ABC here"

"can't you tell me what it looks like?"

"i'm not available" (in her effing joking manner. all the while avoiding eye contact with me)

like what the f??

i know you're busy. but will it kill you to just tell me what the effing book looks like?

so i was making my "whatever.-bitch-what-can-i-do-i-momentarily-forgot-that-i'm-but-a-lowly-intern-who-should-be-treated-like-dirt-oops-or-am-i-less-than-dirt?" look. which i'm pretty sure ABC saw. (suspect she told interior designer i got pissed later on in the day)

i know she's busy with her work. but both the interior designer and ABC are going to get help next week to meet the deadline. and i'm doing all the effing lift lobbies myself. i know i only have one task on hand. but it's eight lobbies leh! eleven elevations leh! plus photoshopping leh! i've to photoshop nineteen drawings leh! nineteen!

and i'm an effing intern. do you think i like to bother you all the time with questions? but how else can i learn?

i try to observe and pick up things. but sometimes, the things i refer to are wrong (eg the interior designer's past works which she likes to refer me to.)

so when she asks me why i did something this way (when this way is wrong) i can only go eerrr..
why? coz i don't know any better? y'know, that's why i'm an intern.

coz i looked at your drawings and i attempted to follow your mistakes?

coz i studied architecture and not interior design at a motivation-murdering school?


coz i'm a stupid ass?

take your pick.

i know
she's busy with her work (she has a hell lot of it), but if you push me aside when i ask for help, and then i go around producing things that are so fatally wrong, and i don't have time to correct them and rethink through them and i can't finish the stuff i'm tasked with, then what?

i'm just too tired to take her jokes. it's my fourth consecutive day working till past ten. and i'm going back on saturday. and after getting brushed off by her and later told that i've to start photoshopping next monday, i'm going back on sunday too.

not that going back on the weekend will mean that i can start my rendering on mon. i don't foresee myself finishing 8.8 drawings and correcting nineteen drawings by monday.

i'm going to follow my own schedule. i'm going to try draw and design as well as my very tired body can. i will conserve some energy for overtiming next monday to friday. and i will continue to question myself if i'm not being the best intern i can be.

the pain and struggle of coming up with something that you thought was it. to have it criticised and then directed onto a journey with vague directions (which may be wrong). i'm sure there is some delight in all this.

i need rest.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

slack week

had friday off this week coz the company closed as it was the company's anniversary. the bosses had decided to bundle off the perm staff away to bali. and being the lowly intern i am, i don't get to go on the mostly-sponsored company trip.

ah well. not to say i'm bitter about not going. it would have been quite an experience but i'm not really that keen to spend my weekends with my colleagues. i d o see them practically everyday. there is something known as too much.

and coz my only unemployed friend wasn't free, and her brother wasn't free, my plans to go for a daytime karaoke session was dashed (unless i wanted a solo karaoke session. but didn't really feel like it).

and coz the next available slot for a dental appointment with the polyclinic is in december, i spent my off day making up for sleep.

finally got to wake up late. and i managed to go back to bed for an afternoon nap before trotting out of the flat to zf's place to a sleepover.

spent the time at zf's place chatting, learning a bunch of makeup tips and slacking in front of the telly with a rather interesting book.

then came home to take another 3hour nap.

afterwhich i managed to
  • practise my new makeup skills
  • iron some clothes (miracle! who? has actually ironed something! considering that i've decided to let the watermelon shirt assume the identity of a shirt that came wrinkled, i think this constitutes a miracle. what to do when you buy pleated skirts. damn my thing for pleated skirts!)
  • read some blogs.
i do think it's been a fruitful two days. whoopah!

* * * * *

think i haven't blogged about my last dive trip. but nothing really exciting happened. i saw a huge jellyfish. other than that, it was pretty uneventful. visibility sucked on the second day.

and i've decided i wanna try to do rescue diver. there's just something about being in the water that is somewhat beyond words.

when you're in there, gravity seems to have less of an effect.

it's a much cooler environment (literally in that the temperature's so much more comfortable. i can swim happily in a rash guard rather than in a 3mm wet suit. i just tend to freeze when the breeze hits me after i emerge from the water. maybe i don't have sufficient fats. har! only in my dreams).

down there, there're less things grabbing your aural attention and you can really concentrate on the new things you have before your eyes.

the feel of the water all over you.

i really don't exaggerate when i claim that i'm happier in there as compared to being out on land. i really do mean it.

i'm so effing hooked.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

did this dating quiz. couldn't resist though i really ought to be in bed. karaoke session in another 7.5hours! "P

me results are as followed -

Your dating personality profile:

You matched the following traits:

Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile:

You match with men who have following traits:

Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.
Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things.


Your Top Ten Traits, Ranked

1. Liberal
2. Athletic
3. Big-Hearted
4. Adventurous
5. Practical
6. Intellectual
7. Romantic
8. Shy
9. Wealthy/Ambitious
10. Sensual

Your Top Ten Match Traits, Ranked

1. Shy
2. Big-Hearted
3. Adventurous
4. Practical
5. Conservative
6. Athletic
7. Intellectual
8. Stylish
9. Traditional
10. Wealthy/Ambitious

i noticed one trait that was missing from both my and my match's list (which was the t o p trait in the guy whom i got this from) - religious. yah, don't even get me started. but do i think the test is accurate? i don't know leh. me? athletic? huh? i'm a true blue bum.

but hey, what's this about me not having stylish as one of my top ten traits?? harumph. i like to think i'm somewhat ooh say k.. harumph

* * * **

argh. there's a bug f l y i n g about in my room. damnit and i keep missing it when i attempt to smack it to its demise. damnit!

link

a rather queer video clip via boing boing

* * * * *

had the most glorious, fantastic headache today. tormented me while i was sleeping. and miraculously continued to haunt me after i woke up.

one panadol extra didn't drive it away.

a three hour nap plus another panadol extra finally did the trick.

and hence i declined zf's invite to go catch world cup at clarke quay? (didn't really catch the location. was still reeling from the relief from pain i was actually experiencing.)

and i've come to the conclusion that it might be wise to consider grounding myself at least one day a week. where i spend the day entirely at home. sleeping. catching up on my blogs (managed to read quite a few in my bloglines today. whoopah!) watching my taped shows that i'd missed during the week. reading. basically just some time where i don't need to step out of the flat (preferably) or whereby i stray no more than 5km away from my place.

this way, i can maybe squeeze in my chores and still maintain some shred of sanity.

gosh, already i'm experiencing some hints of monday blues as i think about the work i've to finish on monday morning by lunch. sigh.

at least i'm going away to dive next weekend. sigh.

* * * * *

on another totally unrelated note, my new mp3 player comes with a rather irritating programme that i've to use to drop songs into the player.

it's a sony nw-e005f.

i bought it coz of
  • the price
  • the design
  • the fact that it's a flash-based player
  • that it has a fm tuner
i avoided creative players coz seriously they're quite ugly and they feel rather flimsy.

i avoided ipod coz they just didn't meet my requirements. i wanted a flash-based player with fm tuner capability. and the only flash-based player ipod manufactures is the shuffle. which
  1. doesn't have a lcd screen
  2. doesn't have much functions (including fm tuner, playlists)
  3. itunes never really captured me as it has captured the world. maybe it's coz my comp is rather low on ram. itunes just slows down my computer s o much whenever i run it. and that's why i'm still a winamp user. might switch to something else soon though. hmmm.. consider consider
anyway, so my nw-e005f is not one of those players where you can just drag and drop your mp3s into the player and start playing. likewise the case with ipods i think. so i should just live with the fact that i need to use sonicstage to drop songs in my player

but argh. but it's just so darn irritating that i've to fill in the track details again. did that once so they all look uniform in winamp when i open the playlist in winamp. and now i've to do it again?? argh. or else i can't even tell what songs i'm listening to. ack.

worse news, i can't drop the tracks i've uploaded from one comp to another comp? damnit.

but i've just discovered there's this function whereby the programme can generate random 30minutes long playlists for my listening pleasure.. hmmm..

aiyeee. i so need to play around with the programme and the player. i need more time to slack around. erhg.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

upgrading for opposition constituencies

why am i up at this unearthly hour? coz i'd chanced upon this rather well-written blog. which led me to this petition. it's petitioning for potong pasir & hougang to be moved up the upgrading queue.

if you believe in it, do sign it.

and spread the word.

it disgusts me at times to know that i live in a place where the government resorts to swaying the people into voting for them by dangling such carrots.

keep saying i'm broke. and yet, there i went buying more tee shirts from threadless. someone just kill me please.

what to do. it's another $10 sale.

* * * * *

a rather interesting piece about the education system in sg.

* * * * *

great. i'm so going to die at work tomorrow.

interesting article + hilarious webcomic (scroll for the links)

think i'm really suffering a serious bout of pms this month. that'll explain my incredible fit at my mom.

and the extreme shackness i feel.

and the food cravings.

and the super aching boobs. yes. i actually suffer from aching boobs. technically speaking they're supposed to be "tender". asshat. they hurt lah.

* * * * *

read this really interesting article today. click here

it's a pretty long article from nytimes (eight. yes. e i g h t pages. but hey, little miss attention deficit here actually read the entire article. can't be that boring). and being a nytimes article, it'll only be available at no charge for a week or so i think. you are forewarned.

it discusses about rising college fees in the states. some points discussed in the article
  • the result of rising college fees on students
  • suggestions for fee repayment
  • benefits of college education
the article is pretty much US-centric. however i feel that we can draw parallels to the situation in sg.

like the US govt, the sg govt is cutting back on uni subsidies.

i thought the loan forgiveness policy? might be feasible. actually that's kinda similar to the government scholarships the sg government bodies offer now. however, think the current scholarship requirements are rather stringent. and the number of available scholarships is really quite small with reference to the number of students out there.

hence the rather elite status a scholar gets. the loan forgiveness scheme mentioned in the article seems less elitist, but more like a programme to help with the shortage of staff in certain fields.

but i'm sure they'll (sg govt) argue that to earn the scholarship one ought to work hard and get the required grades and all. but academia is only one part of life. if uni is really supposed to help shape one's life, to mould one's mind, isn't it quite sad if one is deprived of the chance to attend coz of financial concerns?

the article also mentioned the australian debt repayment system, which i thought is quite an interesting system.

at this point of time, i'm still undecided about whether i should go back to school. there's the big problem of adding on to my current debt. reading this article just made me think a little about my current situation.

anyway, wanted to share a really hilarious webcomic. it'll be more relevant to singaporean students. but man, it's damn hilarious.

click

Monday, June 12, 2006

i'm still not really talking to my mom.

me theory is - the silent treatment only works when the party getting the treatment cares. seriously if i gave anyone else the silent treatment they would probably just walk off in my face.

even though i'm not really pissed with my mom now. i just don't really want to talk to her. or to anyone really. i do feel kinda bad for treating her like this. but i really just want some space.

* * * * *

for the first time in quite a while, i actually stayed home the entire weekend (sat-sun). i slept my sat away. waking up for food (twice or thrice) and for more morsels of the lovely book i was reading. but otherwise i was just rotting in my bed. my routine:
  • woke up at twelve plus.
  • watched my taped shows till three plus while gorging myself
  • went back to bed
  • woke up at six plus seven
  • continued to gorge on food
  • went back to bed at eight
  • woke up at eleven plus to shower, consume yet more food & watch more tv
  • returned to bed at four.
pretty much followed the same routine on sun. cept i slept less. managed to do my laundry. (argh. my stomach couldn't help but churn at the thought of laundry. ergh) managed to surf the net for a while. finished my book! and cleared some tape.

think i really needed to just rot at home for a weekend.

for someone with no life, i'm pretty amazed at how i have not been able to rot at home on sat & sun for a significantly long period of time (it's long for me. usually my weekends are so free i can kill myself)

my room's still in a huge mess coz i've just slept my weekend away. but at least i'm a little rested now. sigh. it's monday. how the heck do people live like this?

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

who? is a horrible person

just totally flared up at my mom.

in my fit of anger, i threw my nice clean laundry on the floor. i flung hangers at the wall. as such, the paint has chipped off my pretty blue wall. f-.

oh yah. i whacked a totally innocent library book on the floor.

it's been an ok day i guess. it's just that at work, i was kinda functioning on auto-pilot mode coz i was really tired from working till nearly twelve the night before. plus i was rushing to get the drawings out for the QS today.

didn't get to sleep during lunch coz went out to get food instead.

reached home kinda late coz i popped by ikea after work (yes, i actually got to leave the office not so late today. seven plus i think) to get something for a friend coz i might be meeting her tomorrow.

i know i replied her sms a few hours later than her actual sms, but i was rushing my work. and it's been.. four hours and she has yet to confirm if she has received my reply. man, i really wish to sleep in during lunch tomorrow instead of meeting up with her. but she's going away on holiday. and the thing i got for her from ikea is something she can use on her trip. ergh.

to think i might have made it home before eight thirty if not for popping down to ikea to get her thing.

i kinda concussed out during my bus ride to ikea. but managed to stay awake when i was nearing the place. and on my bus ride home, i was battling the sleep bug at the end of my trip (the earlier half i was happily engrossed in a very interesting book that will be due very soon).

was kinda irritating to have a couple chatting too loudly behind me all the way from the bus stop to my void deck. i had earphones on. and s t i l l i can hear their effing conversation. if you're that deaf, don't bother talking.

and they had the audacity to accuse the fat cat (the resident cat of the overhead bridge at my place) to be a cat that attacks. well, duh. if you provoke it, of course it'll attack. why don't you tell your friends what a total ass you are to be stupid enough to provoke that otherwise really lazy bummy cat to attack you instead of slapping the cat with the label of "the cat that attacks". asshat.

worse thing is, i was too tired to increase my walking speed to increase the distance between the excessively loud couple and me. so i had to strain to listen to my music while struggling to mute out their effing conversation.

i reached home effing tired. was just looking forward to lying in bed with the rather interesting library book.

and my mom pounced on me. attempting to strike a conversation. like, hello woman? do i not look like i'm not in the mood for a conversation right now? i have two wires coming out of my ears. my hair is tied up. i'm quite sure the wires are somewhat visible. why do people insist on speaking to people who clog up their ears with earphones? doesn't it make more sense to speak when they pluck the earphones out of their ears?

and if they don't pluck the earphones out, do you not get the hint that maybe they don't really want to talk?

when i headed into my room. i see my clean laundry on my bed. fine. so you've decided to chuck my laundry on my bed so you can keep the clothes rack which is probably too much of an eyesore to my somewhat anal-retentive father.

and when i attemptted to dig for clean underwear, i find that my mom had folded my effing underwear.

wtf

you were the one twho wanted me to wash my underwear myself. coz it's *personal*

then you were the one who wanted me to do my own laundry myself. coz i'm old enough

i do all that now. and you fold my effing underwear???!

wtf?!@!

thing is, i roll my underwear. so i really dislike her folding them coz i actually have to unfold them before i can roll them. i mentioned this to her before. but does it register in her otherwise twisted mind? noooooooo...

i'm all pissed off when i went for my shower. only to get more pissed off when i got out of my shower.

i'd wanted to clear my laundry tomorrow or later in the week coz i really wanted to just relaxed and chill with the soon-to-be-due book. i already have overdue books on my hands. i don't really want more. whatmore, this book was borrowed under my brother's card.

but i had to clear my laundry tonight coz it was sitting there. on my bed. f o l d e d. yucks. you made me do my own laundry. so stop screwing with my system! i fold certain stuff. i roll certain stuff. and there's actually a system to where i keep e v e r y t h i n g. your helping is creating more work for me. i thought i told you that. i thought i told you how grossed out i am with my colleague for being the overaged parasite she is. is that not a hint of how i like the idea of independence?

can't i even pretend that i'm independent despite that i'm still living under your roof, and not really helping out with the bills?

so i sat down grudgingly to clear my laundry, when i could be settling other stuff and rushing to bed with my book.

and lo! i discover that she has turned majority of my clothes right side out and rehung them on their effing hangers before placing them nicely on my effing bed!

it's like. wtf>?!?!?@@!>?

it got me really pissed coz i only realised she had practically turned everything inside out when i flipped a plain black tee to realise i had effing turned it wrong side out.

you're fucking making me do more fucking work when i'd wanted to procrastinate the fucking chore coz i've had a fucking week so far and all i'd wanted to do on an early day off work was to relax with a book instead of flinging hangers at my wall and throwing clean laundry on my rather dirty floor.

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!

thing is, i've no idea why i'm so pissed off. i was really ok through out the entire day. too tired to feel irritated at anything.

maybe i was irritated at having to wake up from my slumber on my bus ride. i'd really concussed out. i'm really at my worst when i'm sleep deprived.

and it certainly doesn't help when some friend think replying a sms is optional.

argh. it must be hormones. i'm sounding so uber bitchy and spoilt. well, i did tell her to leave my laundry as it is.

and so i've thrown the hangers in the living room. they're all over the floor. if she likes to clear and tidy so much, i'll let her. tidying things up is somewhat therapeutic at times for me. but not when it's forced (like in the situation i've just so ramblingly described).

eff the world.

Monday, June 05, 2006

suspected pms rant

had a rather angry day.

ok, rather is an understatement. has an angry day.

i was told that we needed to get the drawings out by today so the interior designer could have a discussion with the boss on today.

so i worked my ass off last friday. stayed in the office till one am. coz i didn't want to come back during the weekend.

showed her the drawings i did today. she asked me to correct the furniture drawn by another intern. usually, she would do that herself coz she always ends up correcting any furniture i draw anyway. but coz she hadn't done much during the weekend and she had a whole bunch of furniture to correct, she asked me to correct the furniture for room X.

and it turned out that the previous intern
  • drew lines that overlapped on each other. this is not good coz perforated lines that overlap each other end up looking like continuous lines rather than perforated lines.
  • drew drawers as mere rectangles instead of a collection of rectangles (ie he drew the overall outline of the drawer instead of the parts the drawer is made up of).
  • forgot to pull out the overall dimensions.
  • drew the furniture on the wrong layer
and i got snapped by him when i made snide remarks about his messy drawings.

he'd offered me help on friday, but i rejected his help coz i didn't know i would have to clean up his mess. if i didn't have to clean up his mess, i would have completed everything on time coz i actually do plan my time.

and it wouldn't have been such a pain taking over whatever he was doing if he had done a reasonable job in the first place.

but did i tell him this? no. instead i walked away.

coz i knew i was really irritated. and the risk of saying evil (but in my opinion, true) things was really high.

thing is, i picked up how to do somewhat presentable drawings when i started interning. and he has been interning longer than me. and all the mistakes that i spot from his drawings, are mistakes that i had made during my internship. mistakes that i'd learnt from. why is it that i can learn from my mistakes and he can't?

doesn't help that the interior designer delayed her meeting with the boss coz she hasn't finished her bit. in fact, she delayed so long that the boss left for the day and the meeting has been postponed to tomorrow.

so i stared at the f-- computer till one am on friday. friday! for what?

argh.

and then i meet a bunch of asses on the bus. i see young, seemingly able-bodied things (it seems a bit of a compliment to call them human beings or people) sitting comfortably, chatting to each other, ignoring the elderly standing right next to them.

and after i give up my seat to the white hair-ed elderly who did seem a little spritely for his age but hey, he's still an elderly, i get assholes who insist on getting out of their seats to move to the exit while the bus is deccelerating to a stop at the red light b e f o r e their f-- stop.

it wasn't even coming to a stop at his f-- bus-stop!

assholes who insist i release my grasp on the seat handle that would stop me from falling while the bus is deccelerating.

asses! asses!! i'm surrounded by f-- asses!!!!

and i really think my irascibility could be hormonal. oh hell hath who? when pms descends.

but all of it was somewhat soothed by deep-fried chicken and cold beer. think i need another beer to erase all memories of the asses that i'm surrounded with.